I’m wondering if I’m ever going to feel rested on a Monday?

I’ve always been a bad sleeper but last night was exceptionally bad. The cat woke me up around 4:30. I rolled over onto my stomach (I can usually always fall asleep like that) and (TMI alert) my nips felt like someone was sticking daggers through them. Now I’m only 2 dpo and don’t usually ever even think symptoms (I’ve been too conditioned by all my failures). Of course that then sent my mind racing for the next 2 hours…which was just the time my alarm was supposed to go off!

So now I know I’m going to drive myself crazy for the next 2 weeks. I know it’s way to early but it’s out of my control at this point, I know I’m not going to be able to stop. I never know which is better…no hope at all or that little tiny glimmer. And why does that glimmer have to occur at 4 am…I would have been just as excited if it happened during normal waking hours.

I’m doing a training all week and I really feel bad for the poor folks that had to spend 7 hours with me today. I don’t think I made any sense at all. Guess we’ll be doing a lot of review tomorrow morning!

Also, I’m toying with the idea of a Song of the Week post. A folk singer’s message board that I’m on does that and I love hearing other people’s interpretations of the artist’s words. Music is always so healing for me and I have so many songs that have spoken to me along this journey. I might start it this week. You can rest assured that it will not be a weekly Monday post!!

Had a fantastic dinner with the DC ladies last night. I really appreciate how you all welcomed a newcomer into your group. I had a great time but wanted to apologize for being so quiet and withdrawn at first (that is so not me). Last night was the first time out of the IF closet and only the 2nd time I’ve spoken about all of this with anyone besides Mr H or my doctors. It was a little weird at first. But it was great to be with normal people who are all going through this. I am so excited to meet the rest of you ladies.

Off to see what’s in the DVR and settle into bed for the night!


August 21, 2007. 2ww, DC GTG, Song of the Week.


  1. Sunny replied:

    I hate that I missed meeting you last night. I hope to meet you at the next meeting!

  2. Kristen replied:

    I second Sunny’s comment. I hope to be at September’s get together!

  3. LJ replied:

    It was so nice to meet you! It’s funny, each person that I meet…I just feel instantly connected. It’s nice to be out of the closet, isn’t it?

  4. Karen replied:

    Wish I’d been able to be there for the get-together last night. I won’t be there for the next one either, but eventually…

  5. Laurie replied:

    It was nice to meet you too.

  6. Laurie replied:

    Oops! Sorry I thought I was just logging in, not actually posting yet. No worries about being quiet. I felt the same way and get seriously confused about how much I want to be in or out of the closet.

  7. dmarie replied:

    I think music can be healing too. It was great meeting you too!!

  8. Shelby replied:

    It was really nice to meet you!! I know what you mean, its’ very wierd to talk about such personal, big, huge things with complete strangers. Thankfully all of the ladies who have come so far have all been wonderful! Looking forward to next time!

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