The good thing about being caffeine free

Took awhile to even think of a title for this post because it is so ridiculous. And I am beyond tired.

Little background, years ago I was mugged, which sparked an anxiety disorder. I couldn’t be alone after dark. Needless to say, it was a little debilitating. After lots of therapy, it got better. I still have a hard time spending the night by myself, but nothing too bad. No more panic attacks, up all night, now I just don’t sleep great, have to fall asleep with the tv on, and tell myself that I have a guard cat that will stop the psycho mass murderer. Nothing too crazy.

So Mr H has been traveling a ton lately for work. He hardly ever travels and in fact is known around his office as the travel killer. He’s been staffed on jobs that have fantastic travel opportunities but once he joins the team, the travel doesn’t get approved.

So he was out of town last night for the holiday. I went downstairs a little after 10 to feed the cat and realized I never locked the front door. So that starts the anxiety. I then had to go through the whole house, checking all the bathrooms and closets to make sure someone wasn’t in there. (gosh, typing it out makes me sound crazy, but I swear, there is no way I could have even tried to go to bed without doing it). I make my rounds, get in bed, have S.crubs on and am ready to fall asleep when I start hearing stuff falling downstairs. I tell myself its the cat. Keeps happening. Go downstairs and yes it is the cat, stalking some imaginary (so I think) bug he’s been trying to get all night.

Go back upstairs, it’s now well after 11 and I’m a girl who needs to be asleep around 10. Turns out the bug isn’t imaginary and now there is a fly buzzing around the room. No way I can sleep through that.

Almost 2 hours later, after destroying my walls trying to kill the fly with a magazine (I’m in some serious need of a magic eraser), it lands on my lamp. In my infinite wisdom I decide to spray it with some volumizing mousse (it was the only thing I had). I sprayed the shit out of the poor thing. Yes, it did bind the wings of the fly. However the heat from the lamp also caused some funky chemical reaction making the room STINK!!! But at least the fly is dead. I spray some perfume, set my tv to sleep, and try to fall asleep. I go back and forth between panic attacks and laughing fits imagining someone outside seeing me throw myself into walls, dancing and twirling in the air to kill the freaking fly. I finally doze off around 1:30. At 4:00 my darling little kitty decides he’d like to play and brings all of his favorite toys into bed. He never does that. Needless to say, he was unceremoniously kicked out of the room. 6:00 rolls around WAY early.

Now to the point of the post. I gave up caffeine back in June for my birthday. Only sip I had was a rum and coke on the beach in July. I decided I needed a 1/2 caf this morning to even be considered fit to operate a motor vehicle. And for once, I can actually feel the effects of the caffeine! I’m still tired, I’ve got this bouncy, restless energy, and my heart is racing (or is that leftover anxiety??)

If you read all this, bless you. And I apologize for all of the grammar mistakes. I already got an email from Mr H asking what I wanted to do tonight. Ummm….I’ll be in bed by 9…how exciting


September 14, 2007. ramblings.


  1. Shelby replied:

    Sorry to hear that you were mugged a while back! That would have done the same thing to me. When I was in sixth grade, my brother decided to play a practical joke on me. He hid under my bed (which was high, and had about a foot and a half of space under it), and after I finished my homework, he was making little noises. I looked, thinking it was my imagination, and he jumped out at me. Ever since then, I hate being alone at night. Next weekend, my husband is taking my daughter camping. I’ll be alone, and I’m really not looking forward to it. Thank goodness for our cats. But I can guarentee I’ll be sleeping with the bathroom light on dim. I still don’t sleep with an arm dangling off the edge of my bed for that reason. I’m rediculously terrified of someone hiding under my bed and grabbing my arm. Have a great weekend, and hopefully you will sleep much better tonight!

  2. Erin replied:

    Wow – I’m sure it wasn’t funny at the time, but your post kind of made me giggle.I know just what you mean about checking every corner of the house when your husband is gone. I’m SO not a wimp normally, and I don’t have nearly as good a reason as you do to be worried, but I hate being alone in a house at night. My imagination kicks into overdrive.I have felt that caffeine jolt after not having some for a while too. Amazing, isn’t it??Have a great day and make sure you get to bed early!

  3. Diana replied:

    Is it ok that I am laughing at your story? I of course didn’t laugh at the beginning but imagining you trying to get the fly was pretty damn funny.Glad DH will be home with you tonight. I hope you get some well deserved sleep!

  4. Reproductive Jeans replied:

    Wow–I am so sorry to hear about that-I was mugged in broad daylight in my office last year and it scared the CRAP out of me. Heres to a GOOD nights sleep=)

  5. Fertilize Me replied:

    I am sorry to hear that you are suffering from anxiety – but hte whole fly swatting scenario is HILARIOUS. My husband is working nights and I am very afraid to be alone all my life at night. I have been very strong for this shift..but can not wait to be able to see my husband again at night. God bless you my friend

  6. Busted replied:

    So scary that you were mugged! If it makes you feel better, nothing traumatic ever happened to me and I have the same fears and paranoia when I’m home alone (chalk it up to never having lived alone my whole life). I also gave up caffeine – although I never could feel it anyways.-Schmoodle (

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