Song of the….whenever I feel like it

I completely dropped the ball on this. At first I was upset but then I realized that something I do for fun on my blog should not add any more stress into my life. From there I decided to do a SOTW post whenever the mood struck me.

This yet another Ellis song. I know, it’s a little ridiculous that so many of the songs I’ve picked have been by him but….that’s why he’s my fave. This song came across my Ip.od driving home from work tonight. It was playing as I was thinking about my answer to some of the book tour questions, namely, am I paying attention to what I need to be paying attention to? It is something I’ve really been struggling with, especially as I get deeper and deeper into this IF craziness.

Live in the Now from the album Carnival of Voices
I’ve got a farm house,

It’s a big white farmhouse
And forty acres in my head

You got a kitchen,
It’s an oak floor kitchen
And a big brass feather bed

And there in the parlor,
An old upright piano
And a precocious blue-eyed kid
Playing the keys
Playing the keys

Live in the now
A room with a view of Cambridge
Live in the now
Traffic, noise, and neighborhood kids

We’re sitting in the kitchen
You reach cross the table
And put a finger on my wrinkled brow
You say, “Live in the now,
Live in the now”

‘Cause life is what happens
When you’re busy making plans
That’s what John Lennon said
Then he quit the fuckin’ band

Tell me which part
Is it the castle, or the sand
That you miss when the tide comes along?

I’m alone on a highway
Only silos break the view
A field of sunflowers
A scarecrow paying dues

And I think to myself
“Man, that’s not what I’d choose ”
But here I am, and look where I’ve gone
All for the song
Till the tide comes along

Live in the now
An audience is waiting
Live in the now
Whose day are you creating?

I slip into to the hotel
I put the phone on a pillow
Your voice makes it better somehow
You say, “Live in the now”
“Live in the now”

Two lines in this really get to me: “Whose day are you creating?” and “I think to myself, man that’s not what I’d chose, but hear I am”. “Whose day are you creating” I certainly wish I knew. Because a lot of the time, it’s not often a day I want to be a part of. I need to make sure I’m paying attention to the things that matter to me and that make my day. I feel like I end up in that latter situation FAR too often. Things aren’t how I want, but here I am, gotta go with the flow.

I don’t know if I’ve been paying attention to the right things but from here on out, I’m going to Live in the Now


October 31, 2007. Song of the Week. Leave a comment.


Thanks so much for all the offers to join the pity party. I wish I could have everyone over for some yummy apps and a few bottles 😉

Nothing new to update. The witch is still playing hide and seek, I’m hoping she’ll come out tomorrow in honor of Halloween. Insurance should be re-upped by Thursday. So if she does show tomorrow, I’ll be able to get CD 3 testing Friday without having to pay and try to get reimbursed.

Had a crappy day at work, had to call protective services again for one particular family. The whole situation is just horrible and I hate knowing that there is nothing more I can do for them. Sometimes working in special ed really takes too much out of me. Right now I’d love nothing more than to just answer phones all day long for someone pseudo-important than be dealing with really-real real life problems. Plus I’m now the supervisor of someone who has been over me for the last few years and the transition has not gone well. I need to have a laying down some rules meeting with her and I’m dreading it.

Oh and last little thing, anyone know how I can change the date when I post something that’s been in my archives for awhile? I usually just cut and paste it into a new post but that’s a real PITA and I know there has to be a better way. As usual, I’m in need of some tech support. Thanks in advance

October 31, 2007. ramblings, tech support, work stuff. 3 comments.

Barren Bitches Book Brigade-updated

As promised, here’s that last question

First off, the business:

Hop along to another stop on this blog tour by visiting the main list at You can also sign up for the next book on this online book club: The Handmaid’s Tale by Margaret Atwood.

5. At the very close of the book, having discovered her balanced translocation, Elinor likens herself to a screwed up silverware drawer. “Yet there’s solace in discovering something is tangibly wrong. A diagnosis rather than you’re old” Have you ever felt like this? Do you have a diagnosis for your fertility problems? Was it a relief? If your problem is unidentified, or age is against you, do you wish that you did have a reason?

I’ve been upset more than once with our ‘unexplained’ diagnosis. In fact, I’ve raged, cried, and screamed about it and have spent more time on G.oogle than any one person should. I want there to be a problem I can fix (and yes, I realize that is a little greedy since many problems can’t be fixed). At a minimum, I want a better starting point than what we’ve got right now. I think we (and I mean the collective we, all of us) all deserve a better starting point. So yes, I would probably feel some solace if we ever get a diagnosis. That’s not to say I won’t get upset about that diagnosis too, but I’m pretty sure I will breathe a great big sigh of relief to get a diagnosis and a better game plan.

6. I feel like the author was trying to show all sides of these complicated relationships, wanting you to sympathize with Elinor, Ted, Gina and Toby. Did you find yourself able to sympathize, or at least not dislike, all of these characters?

I was very conflicted about my thoughts on all of the characters. Surprisingly, I had the hardest time with my relationship with Elinor. I thought I would immediately sympathize with her. Instead, after reading her thoughts and nodding my head in agreement, I read Ted’s point of view, and agreed with him too. It was like looking at myself from a distance and not always liking what I saw. And then Gina. I was dead set on hating her and did until Toby came into the picture. I’ll admit, I still don’t have too much sympathy for anyone who knowingly sleeps with a married man but I did feel bad for her. She tried so hard with Toby. Same with Ted. I really didn’t want to like him and I know that there is no excuse for cheating but again, I did feel for him. Just makes you realize how complicated everything is.

7. Elinor’s thought on page 47 really struck me: “When Elinor was paying attention to her career, she should have been paying attention to her biological clock. When she was paying attention to her biological clock, she should have been paying attention to her husband.” It made me wonder: Am I paying attention now to the things I should be paying attention to now? Are you?
I read that line over and over too. It really hit home with me. I think about this ALL the time. I’m constantly worried that I’m missing something else because I’m so pre-occupied with all this IF crap. My brother is getting married in a few months and I’m so afraid that I’m not being there for him like he was for me (he was my Man of Honor…that’s how awesome a bro he is!!). And then on the way home from work today, a song on my ip.od, “Live in the Now” came on…I know that is something I need to start doing more of, just still working on how

October 31, 2007. Book Tour. 9 comments.

Another milestone

Happy Monday!
Today marks CD 58. Unless AF shows up in the next few hours this is officially my longest cycle ever. I think that deserves some recognition so I’ll be having a pity party for myself tonight complete with comfort food (either mac and cheese or chinese, still deciding), copious amounts of red wine, and my DVR. I can not wait!

Hopefully the end is in sight. I’m still spotting and have those double over in pain cramps. My pre-authorization for this IUI ends on the 31st though. And in August when it got approved that seemed like light years away. I just remembered this morning so hopefully our financial person can get it re-upped before CD 3 rolls around (see me all being hopeful and optimistic).

October 29, 2007. arg, IUI. 11 comments.

Random sporting events…

I knew you ladies would be the only ones to cheer on my spotting 😉 I’m now anxiously awaiting full on AF. Based on my cramping and general PMS-iness, I’m thinking Monday or Tuesday. But at this point, I know better than to make any timelines.

Had a great weekend up in NY, managed to see some friends I’ve haven’t seen since my birthday. And the drive back down today wasn’t half as bad as we thought it would be with all the rain.

Now onto my new biggest problem…the Sox game. Usually I can make it up for a Sat night World Series game but now tomorrow morning I’ve got to get up really early for some marathon watching. Those of you who didn’t know that marathons were a spectator sport have never met my family (and at this point, you might be glad about that) My dad has run marathons for as long as I can remember, all of the neighborhood kids used to make a parade for him after his marathons and triathlons. When we lived up in Mass, the B.oston Marathon started in our hometown. So we’d always go the the start, which was a blast, then head home and race down the Mass Pike and watch from Ke.nnmore Square. In high school, I would jump in and pace my dad the last few miles. And then of course we’d always be at the finish. The M.arine Corp marathon is a spectator’s dream. It snakes around the city and there are so many places to watch the runners. I think we’ll be able to see my brother and his fiance at 4 different spots along the course. So I’ve got a big day tomorrow, I can’t be up all night watching the game. (oh…this just in, a 6 run 3rd for the Sox, I think I can sleep easy tonight)

Alright, I haven’t been able to check in with anyone all weekend, I’ll spend tomorrow night with my b.loglines and writing up my book tour questions. Enjoy the rest of the weekend everyone!

October 28, 2007. fun stuff, ramblings. 3 comments.

It’s about time

CD 55 and I’ve finally started spotting. I guess that means the drs office was right last week. Today marks the first time I have come out of a bathroom cheering because I was spotting! (and probably also marks the last). I usually have anywhere from 5-7 days of spotting before AF shows but at least I know things are moving in the right direction.

This couldn’t have come at a more perfect time either. We drove up to NY to see our new niece yesterday. I spent some quality time with her and told her she needed to be my good luck charm. So far she’s doing her job. We took our other niece out for some quality time with Aunt Meghan and Uncle Adam for lunch. She’s got to be the most adorable 2 year old. And boy can that kid scarf down the pizza, she’s definitely part of my husband’s family!! I’ve been holding up surprisingly well. Yes, I do want a family, but I don’t want their family…if that makes any sense. And now that Spot has shown up, I know I’ll make it through the next few days just fine.

We’re driving back to DC Saturday night to watch my brother and his fiance run the Marine Corps Marathon Sunday. Think good thoughts for them, no rain and not too hot!

October 26, 2007. family, IUI. 6 comments.

I am a weak weak woman

Seriously, I’m pathetic. And a sucker for girl s.couts. Well for their cookies really. Someone was selling them at work today and I bought 2 boxes. First off, they are not $3.50 a box…three-fity!!! That’s crazy for 10 cookies. They’ve got quite a racket going on over there. They must put crack or something in those t.hin m.ints because I’ve gone through an entire sleeve already.

Off to go find some fruit…or maybe to see if she has anymore boxes left…I’m not telling 😉

October 23, 2007. fun stuff. 8 comments.


Spotting used to be my nemesis, my Newman if you will. It would start super early (sometimes as early as 3 dpo). I hated it. Now I actually had a dream last night where I started spotting and I was ecstatic!!!! I know I supposedly ovulated last week and I can NOT wait to get this ridiculously llloooooooonnnnnnggggg cycle over and get on with it. I’m on CD 51 and that is just not cool.

May my dreams come true tonight… 😉

takes on a whole different tone now

October 23, 2007. arg. 4 comments.

good times

Is it bad that I’ve been in a great mood ever since buying 4 (yes four) pairs of shoes yesterday?!?! Does that mean I have a problem?

Now I promised Mr H this means I would throw out 4 pairs…that will totally kill my buzz 😉

October 21, 2007. fun stuff. 9 comments.

Kitchen pics!!

Wow!! It looks so freaking good! I wish we had done this years ago!

Here are some before pics. They don’t really do it justice, you can’t quite make out the peeling formica on the counters, the linoleum worn so thin that it could not be cleaned, the stained glass light fixture that is straight out of TGIF.riday’s…but you’ll get the general idea.

It’s messy but you can see the really dark cabinets, covered in 30 years worth of grease that won’t wash off, barely any counter space, and the huge gap between the dishwasher and fridge with the insulation of the dishwasher hanging out.

This picture is actually nice, just wanted to give an idea of the ‘before’ color.

Are you ready??????

First he raised the cabinets by 5 inches. We had about a 6 in gap between the cabinets and the ceiling before. It was my cat’s favorite spot in the whole house but he’ll get over it. He also moved everything over about 4 inches. It gives us a little more counter space but just makes everything look a little neater. The biggest plus was the new cabinets. We had all this wasted space in the corner before but the angled cabinet and the Lazy Susan make such a difference. We were unpacking everything today and don’t know what to do with all the space!

Here’s the new color. And you can see a bit of the floor, and Hobbes’ tail!

Here’s a better pic of the floor…and my kitty. I can not wait to cook tomorrow night! (don’t repeat that to anyone and do not let Mr H know). I honestly didn’t even mind washing dishes tonight.
Off to finish un-packing everything!! Hope you all like it!

October 20, 2007. fun stuff. 8 comments.

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