Every 2ww I analyze (hmmmm….over-analyze) my boobs looking for those tell-tale blue veins. I stand in my bathroom looking at myself in all sorts of light and usually manage to convince myself that I see one. Then I rest happily knowing that for sure, I’m pregnant. (yes, I realize that this is probably more information than anyone ever wanted to know about me). Then this morning, I am about to get in the shower and I actually jumped back in surprise. Holy crap, my boobs have an actual roadmap of nasty blue veins across them….I look disgusting! I’ve never seen anything like it. Yet another sign to make me think I might have a shred of a chance.
8dpiui and other than RandMcN.ally scattered across my chest, nothing else is going on. I’m going to try to wait until Sunday to test. That’ll be 11 days. I want to make sure that darn trigger is out. Plus, I usually only have a 12-13 day LP so Sunday wouldn’t really be that early. But, like I said, I’m going to try to wait. I make no promises.
Mel has a great post on why Christmas just sucks sometimes. I hate that I don’t enjoy the holidays as much as I used to. And I know my family resents that I spend more time with the in laws since they don’t celebrate Christmas. Even being around my niece for Hanukkah is easier than my cousin’s kids at Christmas, not sure why. I’ve stopped sending out cards…because I don’t want to get them back in return. Last year I got 2 cards where people announced their pregnancy. Talk about being blindsided. Since I can’t hibernate, I’ve just stopped getting the mail. Mr H still does every few days but the catalogs go straight into the recycling bin, they never even make it into the house. Not sure what I’ll do with the cards and newsletters when they inevitably start pouring in, I guess save them for a good day…I do have them occasionally.
First, before I get to what I need help on let me state the obvious. Pr.ometrium is the devil, no doubt about it. I am slowly turning into a crazy person. I hate what this does to me. Today I’ve been this little insecure thing, ready to either lash out or burst into tears at a moments notice.
Thanks for all of the insurance tips. I never thought that switching would make a difference. In fact, I was scared to switch in case suddenly all of this became a pre-existing condition. I will have Mr H talk to his HR people about it all. It’s open season at his work and we looked at a lot of other plans but ours actually had the best coverage so we’ll stick with it for now.
Ok, here’s where I’m hoping someone out there in blogland knows someone or has a cousin of step sister’s in law’s dogwalker (you know, the one that always ends up pregnant while on the pill) in the jewelry bizz. When we got engaged, I bought Mr H a really nice Br.ietling watch as his engagement watch. I figured I shouldn’t be the only one with something nice to wear. About 2 months later, his dad passed away and left him his old Tag watch. Both are really nice watches and both look almost exactly the same. Last year I went to the jeweler’s to see if I could get a leather band for the Tag, so they’d be different and he might wear it more. They told me they couldn’t do it. Now I’m about to start a much more aggressive campaign for info but if anyone out there knows a jeweler, a watchmaker (does such a profession still exist??) please let me know. I am determined to get him this!
6dpiui now and realized that I haven’t started spotting yet. I’m a little scared that I’m starting to get my hopes up. I pretty much always start spotting between 4-7 dpo. I really want to keep on being all pissy and negative (it’s such a flattering light to portray myself in, right?) Just going to keep on sitting tight…..I freaking hate waiting!
That’s me today…and that’s pretty much how this post reads. I’m bulleting so I can get everything out easiest.
- I LOVE LOVE LOVE my RE. Seriously. And I know I shouldn’t announce my love for him this much since he does get all up in my business and there’s a possibility he impregnated me (as an aside, I so want to get this shirt if I get pregnant). On Sunday he called to see if I had any questions following the IUI. Monday morning I emailed him a few of my questions. He called back a few hours later and then after leaving me a voicemail, replied to all of my questions via email. I am going to start expecting this responsiveness from all my doctors! True, I pay him a bit more than a regular ol doc, but I’m still impressed.
- My questions were all about our next cycle (for my mental health, I need to keep moving forward and thinking of plan b). I thought we had a pretty sucky response to the cl.omid and folli.stim. He didn’t think just one follicle was a bad thing. I want to be slightly more aggressive and he is thinking Cl.omid again, but this time with Fo.llistom on CD 5 and 7, instead of 9. Not sure what I’m thinking. I need to ask him a few more questions. My biggest concerns are that we only have 6 IUI’s covered lifetime. And pie in the sky thinking, I’d like to have 2 kids. Which brings me to my next point…(and brings out the Hyde)
- Why on earth do people seem to think I should only have 1 child? Just because I’m infertile am I not entitled to that american dream of 2.4 kids and the picket fence? Don’t get me wrong, I will be beyond thrilled if I have a child but am I supposed to completely give up my dream of a large family? When I’ve mentioned this lifetime benefit and our plan for 2 children, two different people have expressed shock that we would want more than one child.
- Not sure how I’m going to handle the whole dr thing. I want to walk that fine line between successfully advocating for myself and respecting his knowledge and opinions. It’s a pet peeve of mine when my clients or parents of students don’t walk that line with me and I do not want to be the name in his inbox that causes him to cringe (since I have more than a few of those)
- my freaking boobs! They HURT! Not quite as much as last month’s chemical but still more than any other cycle. I know, I know, it’s the meds. At this point, if it’s not a pregnancy symptom, I don’t want to deal with it. I don’t need another part of my body with bruises on it.
Ok, ranting over. Any assvice on the meds or anything else is welcome. And thanks for putting up with me
I would really be fantastic as a stay at home wifey. Coming back to work today just sucked.
But Sunday! Sunday we made over 100 bucks returning nasty wedding presents. Yes, I know we’ve been married for 2 1/2 years but we just finally decided to get all of the crap out of the basement closet. I know if we had done it closer to the wedding we probably would have gotten some more, but at this point, I’ll take the 100 bucks! I am a little sad to say that we no longer have por.nographic candlesticks….they were pretty freakin awesome! But the gift card to Bloomies makes me happier. We’ve got even more stuff on Craigslist so hopefully we’ll the present-buying fund will get another little bonus. Had a quiet night with Mr H. Made some turkey chili with leftovers that was great and watched Si.cko. I am now petrified that my insurance is going to find some way to deny the rest of our treatments. It was not a movie I should have watched right now.
And on the symptom front….5dpiui and nada. Cramps I had earlier are gone and I’m just left with crazy sore boobs. Seriously, my bra barely fits right now and I have a big bruise from the stupid wire digging in. It sucks, mostly because it is just the Pr.ometrium talking. Trying to talk myself out of testing to see if the trigger is out of my system. I really don’t want to make myself crazy testing early but I know it’s inevitable. Apparently I enjoy torturing myself.
So I know it’s really way to early to have any symptoms and anything that isn’t made up in my head is probably from the Pr.ometrium but I don’t care. Having tons of cramping on my left side. Pains on the right, that 13mm that was too small to trigger is probably going to end up being a cyst. And since it’s been about 6 months since I’ve had a painful cyst, I guess I’m due. Oh, and my boobs are sore but I know that’s the meds talking. Given the not so great timing and Mr H’s not so great count, I’m not getting my hopes up. (ha…please remind me I said this in about 7 days)
We had a great weekend up in Philly. Jenna commented on my last post and said she hoped my happiness hangover lasted. What a great description! And it certainly did!!! My brother and his fiance decided to come up with us too so we had a fun road trip Friday morning. It was so great to see our friends. They moved in August and we hadn’t seen them both since their wedding. I had never been to Philly before. They live in the cutest neighborhood, I just loved it. We had a great afternoon walking around and a fantastic dinner Friday night. The best part was that kids/pregnancy never even registered on the conversation. Partially because they are all part of our IC (inner circle) and know about our IF but also because no one else is in that spot. So for once, I didn’t feel inadequate. And since they know about the IF, they didn’t raise any eyebrows when I nursed a glass of wine over dinner and didn’t drink at any of the bars we went to (as an aside, when will VA go smoke-free???? it is just so nice). Played a little photo hunt for far too long and then called it a night.
Today we walked around the city some more, got ourselves a cheesesteak for lunch, and headed home. This is seriously the best type of hangover ever!
Uggg….the eating orgy started at 9:15 in the morning and pretty much lasted until 9 pm. I don’t even think I can move. The apple butter pancakes where unbelievable. I highly recommend putting a spoonful or two of apple or pumpkin butter into your pancake batter next time you make them. So easy and it way impressed the fam.
I posted awhile back about my apple infused vodka. Wow!! So good. And I must give a shout out to LJ and her fantastic bartender of a husband for this recipe. My whole family got a bit silly a bit too early in the afternoon because of it.
We had a great dinner and than played a rousing game of Cra.nium. Tonight was exactly what I needed. I laughed more than I have in weeks (maybe months) and for the first time in a looooonnnnggg time, my tears weren’t sad. And tomorrow morning we’re heading up to Philly to see some friends we haven’t seen in forever. It should be a fun weekend.
Hope you all had just as wonderful a day.
Not only is that what I’ll be doing for the next 2 weeks, it was also the theme of the day. We didn’t get taken into our 10:30 appointment until about 11:20. Mr H’s post wash was 10 mil, not great but certainly not horrible. Procedure itself went fine. I was a little nervous since my dr had said it would feel similar to the HSG…and I thought that was horrible. He had a little trouble getting my cervix into position but once he did it was over in seconds. And now I like to think of it as some crazy reality show going on in my tubes. I named it Egg-lette as my one little egg looks for the perfect spermie. I was thinking something along the lines of Rock of Love, but if this works, I really don’t want to associate my future child with B.rett Michael or any of those skanky, skanky ladies.
I get to start my Pr.ometrium tomorrow (happy thanksgiving to me) and my beta in scheduled for Dec 6. After the chemical last month I’m not sure if I’ll test early or not. Regardless I’ll test on the morning of the beta, I need some advance notice of impending bad news.
Hope everyone has a wonderful thanksgiving. We’re going to my parents first thing in the morning and are in charge of breakfast. I’m making apple butter pancakes and Mr H has various meats he’s very excited about. And from there…we’ll pretty much just eat all day. And of course we have the apple vodka! My brother also made a cinnamon infused bourbon….sure to be a fun afternoon.
Made myself new playlist in case I get nervous waiting tomorrow morning. HA! In case!!! Let’s play fix the sentence (since you all know that I’m a grammar geek I can tell you that was one of my favorite games in school). So here’s the edited version: Made myself a new playlist for when I get nervous waiting tomorrow morning.
Mr H has decided he wants to do his part at home. Of course he decided this too darn late to get a collection cup. So he has decided to get up earlier than he has to, drive there, get the cup, drive home, do his business, then drive back there. Can you tell this is a man who usually takes public transportation? I don’t think he has any idea what traffic will be like but it’s not me that’s driving. As long as he gets that sample to them at 9 I’m not letting myself stress about it. (again HA!)
Thanks for all the good wishes. Keep those good thoughts coming tomorrow around 10:30!! Oh, and for Lea Bea who asked, I did 50 mg C.lomid CD 3-7, and 75 iu F.ollistim CD 9 and 11 with an O.vidrel trigger CD 13. I’m a little upset about not advocating for a more aggressive plan back in August but not only did I trust my doctor and was nervous about the side effects, but I also wanted to respond to a low dose and not need the heavy hitters (especially not that 2nd shot of F.ollistim….that shit burns). But as much as I don’t want to, I’m glad we’ll bring out some bigger guns next time around.
I was trying to plan something fun and exciting for my 100th post. Maybe because I’m in a school and all the classrooms count the days and have big parties for the 100th day of school. But somehow counting out 100 pennies or cheerios just doesn’t translate on the internet!
I was thinking about it last night and I am just so glad that I decided to start blogging. You all are an AMAZING support network that I am so lucky to have. So really, I should be sending out 100 thank yous to everybody.
Now back to business! Had my bloodwork and scan this morning. Sucky part is that my insurance only covers 2 per IUI cycle so this one is going to be out of pocket. But leftie took the hint and grew. It’s big enough to trigger. Rightie didn’t do a thing, still weighed in at just under 13. In my disappointment over rightie, I don’t remember how big leftie is. I’ll ask when my nurse calls back later.
So we’ll trigger tonight and the IUI will be Wednesday at 10:30. Excited and nervous. It was my dr doing the ultrasound and while he reminded me that it only takes 1, he did say that he wanted to be much more aggressive next cycle and that I did not seem to respond to well to the C.lomid. So I’m glad that we’re going to develop a better plan B. Not that I’m planning on this not working…just trying to find that balance between hoping for the best and bracing for the worst.
Had my bloodwork and ultrasound today. Scan showed one 17 mm follicle on the left, a 13 on the right, and a few smaller ones on both. I had been hoping for at least 3-4 decent sized ones but I guess I’ll take two….it’s certainly more than I’ve ever had at this point in the game. So I go back tomorrow for another scan, although I doubt the 17 will grow that much in a day. My nurse is going to call sometime today to let me know if I should take another F.ollistim or just let them do their growing on their own.
Other than that, had burgers and bowling night yesterday and I actually almost beat Mr H (I’m a terrible bowler). Must be all those Wii tournaments we have 😉 Today we’ve got a big day…a little Ik.ea, a little Tar.get, good times!
** update (I didn’t want to waste my 100th post on a silly update…I know, I’m a dork)
nurse called and told me to take another 75 iu of F.ollistim tonight and to come in for another scan on Monday. I hope this lets the 13 catch up!
thanks for all the info and good wishes!