Moving right along

I’m finally back to feeling 100% (well, probably 85…whose ever really at 100 anyway?). It was pretty much just a 24 hour bug. I am just such a baby when it comes to being sick.

Had my day 3 appointment today. I was very happy that it didn’t include bloodwork since I’m not a fan of the phlebotomist that was working this morning. Not sure why not though. Ultrasound showed no cysts (yeah) and 6 antral follicles on the right and 4 on the left. Yes, the exact opposite of last month. I still would like that to be higher, but there’s not much I can do about it.

So I start ion my 50mg Clom.id tonight through Sunday. Friday and Sunday I’ve got 150 of F.ollistim. My next ultrasound is on Tuesday. I was so excited to start meds last month and I’m just not feeling it this time. I know I haven’t been cycling anywhere near as long as some other people and that I’m just doing IUI. I just can’t help but wonder how much of this I can take. Can my heart really break every 30 days and still somehow be whole the rest of the time? I don’t know.

I also realized that I just want to be a mom. Yes, that probably seems obvious to many people. But I used to think I wanted to be pregnant. Now, not as much. Yes I would still like to experience pregnancy, but all I really want is the mom part. But now, to me, pregnancy seems like the means to the end. I don’t care how I end up getting to be a mom, that part isn’t as important to me. Long before we got married, Mr H and I always said that if we wanted more than 2 children, we’d adopt. So I’ve started to research it a bit. Thing is, I want to somehow protect myself from the heartache of cycling….and adoption doesn’t do that. Nothing does really. So I’m not sure which path to take.

Had a very interesting drive to the clinic this morning. They had Rt 50 closed for a motorcade of motorcycle cops dressed up as Santa. There had to have been at least 50 bikes with half of them dressed up as Santa. It made me smile though. Definitely not something you see every day. At least when I called in late to work it was a novel reason.

Advertisements

December 12, 2007. iui #2, ramblings.

9 Comments

  1. Fertilize Me replied:

    Give yourself more credit.. its not just IUI.. it’s an IUI and that is a big step and you are allowed to think it is. As for the heartache and such, I wish i had a coping skill that was/is healthy. I am wishing you a great cycle! Grow follies grow.Santa Cops on Motorcyles .. i think those are good luck 😉

  2. jennifercarol replied:

    Hey an u/s with no cysts is a good u/s in my book. And sure IUI is not as intensive or expensive as IVF, but it is a big step in terms of treatment. So don’t discount your feelings.

  3. Maria replied:

    Awesome that your u/s looked good. I had a hard time my second round of injections getting excited and an even harder time with the third cycle. It really takes a lot to psych yourself up.I know what you mean about the mom thing. Before I started treatments I just really wanted to get pregnant. Now I don’t care how it happens, just as long as it does.

  4. Adriane replied:

    I know how you feel. It’s all so heartbreaking, but the realization that you truly want to be a Mom is profound. I think it’s great that you are researching adoption as well! Good luck with the Clomid tonight.

  5. Michell replied:

    Santa cops on motorcycles sounds pretty cool. Hang in there though. Cycling is crazy and it makes you a little bit crazy. Glad there were no cysts and that you didn’t have to have labs drawn. I was a phlebotomist for 5 years and I can tell you there are definitely some who are better than others.

  6. Meg replied:

    What an honest and lovely post.Someday you will be a mother, a wonderful one and the steps to get there will all be the nonsense in the end that you will slowly forget. Someday…..You are knee deep in the steps to become a mother and your feelings are okay. Researching all of your options is a great idea…I am a big fan of being armed with options and ideas…Big huge hugs this week.

  7. Kim replied:

    Congrats on the great u/s! Hope they are great sizes when it’s actually time, too.I agree with Meg. Options are good. Your heart doesn’t have to be there right now but it will let you know if or when the time comes.With that said, I’m still wishing that this be the last cycle you have to go through for a long time (at least 9 months or so). Lots of luck!

  8. Geohde replied:

    It is totally frustrating to not have what others get so easily, and it is totally normal to just want it to g-ddamn work already.Hoping that this cycle works for you,J

  9. MoonNStarMommy replied:

    I’m not sure that there is any way to protect yourself from the heartache of TTC … but, I can honestly tell you, when it does happen, it’ll all be worth it. I have known a few people who have gotten pregnant while going through the adoption process.. one friend TTC for 3 years or so and then started the adoption process, wouldn’t you know – right at the end when they were given there absolute green light.. she got those two pink lines!! She’s expecting #2 now! There is hope out there… the one cycle I just wasn’t feeling it, I got pg … actually, thinking about it… I wasn’t feeling it at all when I got pregnant with Nathan or Noah… so… you just never know!!{{HUGS}}

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

Trackback URI