Atkins be damned

I am on a carb-fest, all carbs all the time. The thought of most proteins makes my gag reflex kick in. I’ve been feeling a little bad about it so I managed to shovel some eggs down my throat for breakfast and a few bites of chicken from the take-in thai for dinner tonight. Other than that, it’s been bagels, pasta, or rice.

Our next ultrasound is Friday. I should be 7w6d. I go back and forth between thinking I hope there’s still a heartbeat in there to getting all excited at the growth we’ll see from last weeks u/s. I’ve still got all those nasty first tri symptoms, so I should be optimistic. And I actually had my first sort of puke this morning. Not very pleasant. And my favorite black pants, the very last size 10 I could fit into this fall, the ones that always make me look skinny, could barely button yesterday. I should take that as another good sign, instead I blame it on the freakin carbs.

Work is kicking my butt this week, which I know isn’t helping my general funk. We’re brought in a bunch of new staff so I’m training from 8:30 until 4 each day. It is just exhausting. Plus, I then have the rest of my job to do once all that is over. I’ve been going to bed before 9 most nights. At least there’s no good tv on!

Off to scrounge up something bland and starchy to go stuff my face…

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January 31, 2008. pregnant. 14 comments.

bad blogger

I know, I’ve been a very bad blogger. I keep coming up with all these great posts in my head at night and then by the time I can actually blog, they’re long gone and all that is left is this horrible cycle of “I’m excited, I’m scared, I’m excited, I’m scared”. Throw in a random “I think I’m gonna hurl” and you’ve pretty much summed things up for me.

I really hate that my blog has recently become a laundry list of everything I’ve been doing or that’s going on, so I’m trying to avoid that. And I hate that I feel stuck in this in-between land, still fighting all the demons of infertility while simultaneously feeling cramps, pangs, and all these other symptoms of this little thing growing inside of me. Don’t know how to avoid that though.

My cousin sent me a link for a sale at some maternity shop and asked if I had started shopping yet. Seriously!! After I composed myself, I wrote back joking that, at 7 weeks, I didn’t quite need that just yet. Apparently, at this point in her first pregnancy, she already had a small stash of maternity clothes, since it made sense to buy things on sale. Just crazy

Again, another nonsense post with no real direction, but that’s kind of how I feel lately. I’m going through each day without direction. I drag my tired butt out of bed each morning, stumble through work, then stumble my way to my private clients most nights, stumble home and go back to bed. I’m direction-less. I used to have direction and was highly motivated towards my goal. I was going to get pregnant. Every early morning as I dragged myself out of bed, I had a direction…going to the clinic at some pre-dawn hour to check on my progress. That’s what got me through everything else. Then at night, I had another direction, whether it be a pill or a shot. Now, no real direction. Doesn’t that seem crazy?!? I reached my destination. I should be happy, not wandering all over again like before I started treatments. Not sure how to find my new direction…any ideas from some of you ladies who made this trip already? There needs to be a mapquest for all this crap.

Ok enough of this. Want to say a quick thank you to the Order of the Plastic Ute (aka. the DC Bloggers) for a fantastic get together Saturday. Girls night in is one of my fave things…and this one was even better because I didn’t have to pretend to nurse a beer, dump it when no one is looking, then fill it with water. Pretty lame, I know

January 29, 2008. pregnant, ramblings. 12 comments.

Yes Virginia….

…we can have insurance coverage.

I know I have a bunch of VA readers. Please take action and email your Senator!

Dear Fellow Virginia Resident,
Infertility Insurance Coverage for Virginia residents: Take Action Now!

Senator Patsy Ticer (D-30) introduced Virginia Senate Bill 631 on January 9, 2008. This legislation would require health insurers, health maintenance organizations, and corporations providing accident and sickness subscription contracts to provide coverage for the treatment of infertility.

Testimony for this bill will be heard before the Senate Labor and Commerce Committee on Monday, January 28, 2008. We need your voice! Please call and email the committee members and ask them to support SB631. If you are a constituent of one of the committee members, it is especially important that you make sure that he or she knows.

Click here to access RESOLVE’s online Advocacy Alert system and send a letter to the Senators listed below immediately!

There are 7.3 million men and women that suffer from infertility in the US. More than 162,000 of those couples live in Virginia. Please help us make sure that Virginians have coverage for this disease and access to cost-effective and appropriate medical treatment. Send your letter and Take Action Now!

Thank you!
Barbara Collura
Executive Director and Resident of Virginia since 1993

Senator Richard L. Saslaw (Chair)(D) –
Senate District 35
General Assembly Building, Room 613
Capitol Square
Richmond, Virginia 23219
(804) 698-7535
email: district35@sov.state.va.us

Senator Charles J. Colgan(D) – S
enate District 29
General Assembly Building, Room 317
Capitol Square
Richmond, Virginia 23219
(804) 698-7537
email: district29@sov.state.va.us
10677 Aviation Lane
Manassas, Virginia 20110-2701
(703) 368-0300

Senator Yvonne B. Miller(D) –
Senate District 5
General Assembly Building, Room 315
Capitol Square
Richmond, Virginia 23219
(804) 698-7505
email: district05@sov.state.va.us
P.O. Box 452
Norfolk, Virginia 23501
(757) 627-4212

Senator William C. Wampler, Jr.(R) –
Senate District 40
General Assembly Building, Room 301
Capitol Square
Richmond, Virginia 23219
(804) 698-7540
email: district40@sov.state.va.us
510 Cumberland Street
Suite 308
Bristol, Virginia 24201-4387
(276) 669-7515

Senator Thomas K. Norment, Jr.(R) –
Senate District 3
General Assembly Building, Room 427
Capitol Square
Richmond, Virginia 23219
(804) 698-7503
email: district03@sov.state.va.us
P.O. Box 6205
Williamsburg, Virginia 23188
(757) 259-7810

Senator Walter A. Stosch(R) –
Senate District 12
General Assembly Building, Room 621
Capitol Square
Richmond, Virginia 23219
(804) 698-7512
email: district12@sov.state.va.us
nnsbrook Centre
4551 Cox Road
Suite 110
Glen Allen, Virginia 23060-6740
(804) 527-7780

Senator Kenneth W. Stolle(R) –
Senate District 8
General Assembly Building, Room 426
Capitol Square
Richmond, Virginia 23219
(804) 698-7508
email: district08@sov.state.va.us2
101 Parks Avenue
Suite 700
Virginia Beach, Virginia 23451
(757) 486-5700

Senator John S. Edwards(D) –
Senate District 21
General Assembly Building, Room 309
Capitol Square
Richmond, Virginia 23219
(804) 698-7521
email: district21@sov.state.va.us
P. O. Box 1179
Roanoke, Virginia 24006-1179
(540) 985-8690

Senator John C. Watkins(R) –
Senate District 10
General Assembly Building, Room 331
Capitol Square
Richmond, Virginia 23219
(804) 698-7510
email: district10@sov.state.va.us
P.O. Box 159
Midlothian, Virginia 23113-0159
(804) 379-2063

Senator Frank W. Wagner(R) –
Senate District 7
General Assembly Building, Room 312
Capitol Square
Richmond, Virginia 23219
(804) 698-7507
email: district07@sov.state.va.us
P.O. Box 68008
Virginia Beach, Virginia 23471
(757) 671-2250

Senator Stephen D. Newman(R) –
Senate District 23
General Assembly Building, Room 303
Capitol Square
Richmond, Virginia 23219
(804) 698-7523
email: district23@sov.state.va.us
P.O. Box 480
Forest, Virginia 24551
(434) 385-1065

Senator Phillip P. Puckett(D) –
Senate District 38
General Assembly Building, Room 330
Capitol Square
Richmond, Virginia 23219
(804) 698-7538
email: district38@sov.state.va.us
P.O. Box 924
Tazewell, Virginia 24651-0924
(276) 979-8181

Senator Linda T. Puller(D) –
Senate District 36
General Assembly Building, Room 328
Capitol Square
Richmond, Virginia 23219
(804) 698-7536
email: district36@sov.state.va.us
P.O. Box 73
Mt. Vernon, Virginia 22121-0073
(703) 765-1150

Senator Mark R. Herring(D) –
Senate District 33
General Assembly Building, Room 322
Capitol Square
Richmond, Virginia 23219
(804) 698-7533
email: district33@sov.state.va.us
P.O. Box 6246
Leesburg, Virginia 20178
(804) 730-1026

Senator A. Donald McEachin(D) –
Senate District 9
General Assembly Building, Room 318
Capitol Square
Richmond, Virginia 23219
(804) 698-7509
email: district09@sov.state.va.us
4719 Nine Mile Road
Richmond, Virginia 23223
(804) 288-3381

January 26, 2008. Uncategorized. 4 comments.

more ramblings…

I still don’t know where to start when I sit down to write. I can tell you a few things though. Without a doubt, working a 15 hour day is NOT a good idea. Yesterday just about killed me. Oh, and the old saying ‘Never wake a sleeping baby’ also holds true for someone in her first trimester. My stupid (oops, I mean wonderful) husband keeps waking me up. He doesn’t want me to sleep too much. I’m about ready to kill him.

On to my mental health. I came to the realization Monday night, after staring at that little ultrasound picture but cautioning myself and not allowing myself not to think more than 1 week into the future, that I’m completely kidding myself. I’m certainly not protecting myself. If this whole thing heads south, there is no way on earth I could be prepared for it and I would most certainly be devastated. So…I decided to enjoy this and try to live my life like a regular pregnant (did you catch that….I said it) lady. I still know that we’ve got a long way to go, but one of the things the ultrasound tech said stuck with me. She kept pointing to the screen saying, “That’s your baby”. She did not say what was in my head, “That’s a random clump of cells that may or may not become a baby in 9 more months”. She simply said, “That’s your baby” with a huge smile on her face. There’s a big difference in those two sentences. I want to think positively. I’m currently more pregnant than I’ve ever been…and for all I know, this might be as much as I get. I’d much rather enjoy it, than be miserable.

Of course I say enjoy it, and I am, for the most part. Thing is, all day long, I’m really afraid that every time I open my mouth, copious amounts of vomit will spew forth. Now I’m not typically a puker…and I’m really hoping I don’t become one. But pretty much all day long, I feel like I’m about to. It’s much worse in the morning and at night. Mid day is when I get down right ravenous, eating one lunch around 11 and another at 1. I’m just crossing my fingers that it means the little heart is still beating.

Ok, enough rambling. Maybe someday I will put together a coherent post. Now it’s back to bed for some DVR

January 24, 2008. pregnant, ramblings. 15 comments.

whew…

We have a heartbeat! There was one little bean in there, measuring right on cue, 6 weeks 3 days. I can now breathe….at least for a few days. I don’t think I have ever been as nervous or anxious before in my entire life. Our next ultrasound is Wed the 30th.

Ok, gotta run to work, just wanted to give you all a quick update. Thanks so much for all the hope and support. Once again, I am amazed and blessed to have met such an astounding group of women!

January 22, 2008. p-word. 39 comments.

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January 21, 2008. family, p-word, rants. Enter your password to view comments..

Long time no blog

Sorry everyone. I’ve gone back and forth between not knowing what to say and not having the energy to type. Tons of thoughts running through my head though so this might be a long one!

– I caved and bought a book. And after not allowing it in the house for 2 days, I actually took it out of the car over the weekend. I realized late last week that I am really good at being infertile. I know alot about it. Ask me anything, if I don’t know the answer, I’ll be able to find it quickly. However, I know absolutely nothing about being pregnant (there, I said it). I’m afraid I am not going to be good at it. So I bought a book and proceeded to get annoyed with said book less than 1 chapter in because of this “We all know if takes 2 to conceive a baby but it takes a minimum of 3-mother, father, and…health care professional…” Really, took a few more than 3 people for me! So that book has been put down and I still know nothing.

– thank you for all of your help and suggestions about my blockage problems. With a careful diet of Kashi cereal for brekkie, prunes to snack on all day, and at least one other meal containing beans, I’ve gotten it under control. Gas, heartburn, and constant low grade nausea have stepped in. I’m not complaining though…in fact, I welcome every burp and stomach roll. Helps me make it to next Tuesday.

– I knew that newly p-word people are tired. I’m Ok with that because I love to sleep. What I did not expect was being drop dead exhausted…and not being able to sleep. I’m typically up for 2-3 hours each night, regardless of if I nap during the day, what time I go to bed, etc. Luckily, my boss sent me home today to take a nap and work the rest of the afternoon from home. (and look how I’m thanking her, by catching up on all your blogs and posting)

I swear I had a ton more posts in my head, but I have no idea where they went. Of course I’m convinced that they were my best thoughts yet…like when you forget to hit save and lose a paragraph of your paper. You re-write it, but you know what you originally had was SO much better than the drivel you’re coming up with now. That’s what this post is, drivel.

One week to ultrasound. We’re heading up to Long Island this weekend for my niece’s baby naming. So that’s 3 days that will help me get my mind off it. We’ll drive home Monday and then just one more sleep! I’m guessing we’ll be stopping at every single rest stop between here and NY…my bladder has got a mind of its own lately.

Thanks again for the advice and support. I think I’d go crazy without all you ladies!

January 15, 2008. p-word, ramblings. 21 comments.

Lots of stuff

I haven’t really posted alot this week because I really don’t know what to say. This whole thing is surreal to me. I feel like I’m on an episode of P.unk’d or something. Any minute now I expect someone to jump out and tell me it’s all a joke.

I’m slowly starting to accept the fact that right now, I’m the p-word. I know that doesn’t translate into an actual baby but I’m going to try to be excited about it. All the old infertile thoughts are really hard to make go away. Take this morning for example, I called to schedule my u/s and my favorite receptionist answered the phone. I hadn’t seen her the last time I was there and as soon as I said my name and what I was calling for, she got all excited, asked if I was p-word, and said congrats and how happy she was for me. Now this is not a story about how nice people at my clinic are, but rather, that all I could think about was the women in the waiting room and how that moment, while exciting for me since this is largely a secret, must have been torturous for them. I would have been miserable if, while sitting there waiting for my pre-dawn appointment with the dildocam, I heard that and would be posting about how insensitive they were, not how nice. Not sure what the whole point of that little story was…I guess just that I don’t know how to think of myself.

I know how I’m feeling though and while I got some temporary relieve from the constipation, it came back rather quickly. I am so bloated from it all, and from all the water I’m drinking to help relieve it, that my pants barely fit. And this is disgusting but I’m farting constantly. I just can’t stop myself, I hate it. It is cracking Mr H up though. Tuesday night I had a handful of the prunes and they did nothing. Last night, I ate about half the container and they worked their magic in the middle of the night. But now, right back to blockage. Makes me feel so sick. I might have to try the prune juice instead. Really not looking forward to that.

I scheduled my ultrasound for the Tuesday the 22nd. That is so far away. I could have made the appointment for that Monday instead but I really wanted my doctor to do it. And, in the alternate universe I’m now living in, would make me 6w3d, which gives us a decent shot of maybe seeing a heart beat. Not that I’m getting ahead of myself.

Thanks again for all the thoughts and good wishes. I’ve saved every single one, they make me cry

January 10, 2008. p-word, symptoms. 25 comments.

1024

no time for a real post, crazy meetings all afternoon but yeah!!! Can’t get betabase open to figure out doubling time, but I know that 850 would have been exactly double.

Ultrasound will be scheduled for the 21st or 22nd.

Now back to convincing myself that the pains on my right side are a cyst

thanks for all the good thoughts and prayers

January 9, 2008. Uncategorized. 21 comments.

What not to wear

I’ve done this before. I should know better than to wear red undies. Every single time I went to the bathroom, my heart skipped a beat. I think I’m going to throw these out tonight.

Pretty sure I’ve got my first few symptoms. I am beyond constipated. I think we’re almost at a week. And it’s not pleasant. I bought myself a big ol bag of dried fruit and have been munching on it. Picking out the dried plums (what a nice euphemism) and making sure I eat those. I’m hoping it works some magic soon. I’ve also had horrible indigestion and heartburn the last two nights. Let me tell you, Indian was not a good choice. It made me bloated beyond belief. Not sure what to do about this one. I ate less for dinner tonight, hoping that helps.

Still having lots of cramps, which depending on my mood either make me feel better or worse. Lots of pains on my right side. Feels cyst-like. And since I had 3 follies on that side, I’m telling myself that’s what it is.

Third beta is tomorrow morning. I’m not quite as nervous as I was last time, but I’d be lying if I said I wouldn’t be checking my voicemail starting around 11-ish. Yes, I know full well they won’t call until 2, but I’ll still be checking just in case!

Sorry for the random collection of thoughts…that’s the only way my mind can work right now

January 9, 2008. p-word. 13 comments.

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