Lots of stuff

I haven’t really posted alot this week because I really don’t know what to say. This whole thing is surreal to me. I feel like I’m on an episode of P.unk’d or something. Any minute now I expect someone to jump out and tell me it’s all a joke.

I’m slowly starting to accept the fact that right now, I’m the p-word. I know that doesn’t translate into an actual baby but I’m going to try to be excited about it. All the old infertile thoughts are really hard to make go away. Take this morning for example, I called to schedule my u/s and my favorite receptionist answered the phone. I hadn’t seen her the last time I was there and as soon as I said my name and what I was calling for, she got all excited, asked if I was p-word, and said congrats and how happy she was for me. Now this is not a story about how nice people at my clinic are, but rather, that all I could think about was the women in the waiting room and how that moment, while exciting for me since this is largely a secret, must have been torturous for them. I would have been miserable if, while sitting there waiting for my pre-dawn appointment with the dildocam, I heard that and would be posting about how insensitive they were, not how nice. Not sure what the whole point of that little story was…I guess just that I don’t know how to think of myself.

I know how I’m feeling though and while I got some temporary relieve from the constipation, it came back rather quickly. I am so bloated from it all, and from all the water I’m drinking to help relieve it, that my pants barely fit. And this is disgusting but I’m farting constantly. I just can’t stop myself, I hate it. It is cracking Mr H up though. Tuesday night I had a handful of the prunes and they did nothing. Last night, I ate about half the container and they worked their magic in the middle of the night. But now, right back to blockage. Makes me feel so sick. I might have to try the prune juice instead. Really not looking forward to that.

I scheduled my ultrasound for the Tuesday the 22nd. That is so far away. I could have made the appointment for that Monday instead but I really wanted my doctor to do it. And, in the alternate universe I’m now living in, would make me 6w3d, which gives us a decent shot of maybe seeing a heart beat. Not that I’m getting ahead of myself.

Thanks again for all the thoughts and good wishes. I’ve saved every single one, they make me cry

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January 10, 2008. p-word, symptoms.

25 Comments

  1. Egged Out replied:

    I haven’t been there but I can imagine how you feel. I started to write this comment about how I would feel the same – wary, and nervous – because of all that we have seen happen to other infertiles when they became the p-word. But I erased that long comment because what I really want to say is: Wow – you are with child! And that’s amazing. I’m going to think good thoughts and pray strong prayers that that baby sticks with you and arrives in this world healthy and on time. It happens to millions of other women and it can happen to you, too. I’m going to think the best. And those women at the doctors overhearing your good news – well, yes, it might momentarily give them a pang of pain but it also gives them hope. Proof that someone else in their clinic got pregnant. And in the long run, hope trumps pain. Sorry for the long post.

  2. Fertilize Me replied:

    I am sorry you are blocked up. I can relate to that massively. Good luck working it out. hahaha.I am thinking good thoughts for your first u/s. I agree those IF thoughts are hard to erase

  3. Meg replied:

    Baby food prunes are pretty tasty. Some even come mixed with applesauce, etc. The juice is not very good. Any fruit that starts with a p is good for pooping…p is for poop. Prunes, plums, pears, peaches….stay away from bananas.

  4. Debby replied:

    So sorry for your roller coaster of emotions and totally get where you are. I also totally feel your pain with the constipation. May I suggest Kashi cereal in the morning…a big bowl to start the day was the only thing that gave me some relief. With all that progesterone and the extra you have to take on top of what your body is producing it is a losing battle for your poor colon. Hope things flow better for you soon!

  5. Maria replied:

    I can only imagine how you’re feeling. Trying to be excited, but also trying to protect your heart. I’m sure I’ll be the same way.Have you tried Metamucil (sp), my mom swears by it.

  6. Adriane replied:

    I bet it doesn’t seem real yet!! It’s just so exciting. The 22nd seems so far away, but it’s less than two weeks. And yes, that is great that you will very likely see a heartbeat!!! So excited for you!!! (Hope the prune juice works!!)

  7. Rebecca replied:

    I know what you mean about the office…when we went in for our first pregnant ultrasound, my nurse came out to congratulate us and I was horribly embarrassed. I just felt like a fraud in front of those other women…like I shouldn’t be there anymore. I agree with “egged out” though…there is an element of hope that all Infertiles hold onto and we need it whenever we can get it.

  8. Michell replied:

    I understand what you mean about the doctors office but it’s also kind of good advertising for them. It shows they can do their job. As far as the constipation I don’t know what to say really as I’ve almost never had that problem. I also don’t think I could ever drink prune juice myself. However giving it to patients warm has always worked.

  9. K77 replied:

    I’m with you on the P.unk’d thing. 10wks today, still not able to use “that word” in relation to myself. It feels pretty awful to suddenly be the source of pain to other IFs. Good luck for your U/S. Dried apricots might help if you don’t like prunes. My digestion has gone the other way, maybe we could meet in the middle?

  10. Jen replied:

    I am still thinking good thoughts and wishes for you. I won’t stop! I hope you see the heartbeat at your appointment, even if it might be a little early.

  11. luna replied:

    your concerns are natural after the i/f experience. hopefully you can feel a little more comfort once you see that little heart beating. oh, and try some oatmeal too. ~luna

  12. Geohde replied:

    The p-word is scary, but I hope the very best for you,oh and sorry about the poop situationxxJ

  13. Deborah replied:

    As a fellow IF (and I am speaking only for myself here), your pregnancy is NOT a source of pain for me. People who get pregnant on their first try are a source of pain for me. My cousin who’s pregnant for the 3rd time is a source of pain. You, on the other hand, give me hope. Plus I’m happy for you, because I know what you’re going through.And about the nurses – last month when I went for my IUI I was all depressed, and the nurse was cheering me up. I said “you must spend a lot of time cheering people up” and she said “some, but also we see this work a lot too”. And that really made me feel better. So hopefully that’s how the women in the waiting room felt when they heard the receptionist talking to you.

  14. Jen replied:

    I think that one of the tough things about getting that +HPT or beta when your infertile is that the experience turns out to be bittersweet. I mean of course your are incredibly happy and excited. But you are also nervous because you know what all can go wrong. You are also sad because you are leaving behind so many friends who have supported you and deserve exactly the same thing. Hang in there…hopefully time will fly and the u/s will be here in no time.

  15. Ms Heathen replied:

    I hope that you will soon begin to adjust to your newly pregnant state – after all you’ve been through, you really deserve some good news.Oh, and good luck with the prunes! I’m not sure whether I could stomach the juice on its own.

  16. sara replied:

    I wish you a great U/S coming up. I hope the poop department gets better soon! I LOVED your comment about the dildo cam…never quite thought of it that way…but I’m still sitting here cracking up! I think that after all the infertility, we don’t know how to feel any other way when one of us does become pregnant. I haven’t been there yet, but imagine that is how I would feel too. Good luck with the farts and ultrasounds!

  17. Lori replied:

    I loved meeting you earlier this week!It’s not surprising to me that a woman has trouble accepting herself as the “p-word.” It’s a shock to the identity. A good one, a tentative one, but a shock nonetheless.Wishing you smooth sailing and pooping.

  18. MoonNStarMommy replied:

    OMGosh I just read!! Congrats!!! the roller coaster is expected… I just found out yesterday that I’m on it too … oh boy!! {{HUGS}}

  19. Diana replied:

    Hey at least you are farting! I have had issues with trapped gas since my BFP. There have been days where I would have given almost anything to fart! I think your u/s date is great!!! You have a wonderful chance of seeing your little ones heartbeat! YAY!

  20. sarah23 replied:

    I am so happy and excited for you. You give me hope!! I’m thinking sticky sticky thoughts for you!

  21. Lea Bee replied:

    awww! i’m so happy you’re the p-word. i think i would feel the same if i got as far as you.(((hugs!)))

  22. Leah replied:

    Where in the world have I been? I’m soooooo sorry that I didn’t stop by earlier to wish you a big, giant, heartfelt congratulations!! Hopefully I’ll see you at the January get together (which I’m going to try to schedule today) so I can give you a big hug in person!

  23. Laura replied:

    Only a week and a day until your ultrasound! I hope it goes by quickly! By the way, have you tried Milk of Magnesia? I haven’t used it for pregnant related constipation, but have on other occasions and it worked like a charm! Good luck!

  24. In and Out of Luck replied:

    Glad I’m not the only dope who watches General Hospital. I totally forgot about that ridiculous donor sperm thing! Incredible. Continued congratulations on the pregnancy!

  25. SaraS-P replied:

    My first day at my clinic, a tech scrambled out of an u/s room while I was paying at a nearby counter and shouted, “How soon can you get a heartbeat?” I remember just wanting to peek in a see the woman inside…was she scared, excited? Could I touch her and absorb some fertile vibes? Had it happened at a later appt, I might have just thought, “Lucky bitch.”But…those things are always reminders that all the hassles can actually lead to progress.

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