The post certainly isn’t that interesting but if anyone wants the password, shoot me an email: alittlesweetness3 AT gmail
I have had so much fun reading through Le Creme the last few days and I started to feel bad that I had never submitted anything. I read back over all my posts and I swear, all my good ones are sitting there as drafts. All of them I either didn’t have time to perfect or something about them made me feel guily at about posting. I need to get over my perfection issues and self-censorship.
Anyway, back to the topic at hand. Admittance is the first step to coming to terms with something and getting help, right? So here goes…On December 5th, I cried when I got my period. And again, on January 5th, I cried again. (Sidebar–I should have been freakin ecstatic that all of my cycles since June have been between 29 and 31 days…that’s pretty amazing for me. But I digress) Up until then I didn’t really seem to care. Yeah, I was aware of the fact that I wasn’t doing anything to prevent a pregnancy and the fact that I wasn’t getting pregnant wasn’t lost on me, but it didn’t faze me. Then we had that long car ride talk about when we wanted to try again. And if you remember, I was the one who wanted to wait. Who didn’t want to get all crazy again. Who didn’t want to be crying and feeling like a failure. Then literally 3 weeks later, I’m crying, digging out the tampons. What is up with me?
So now I am admitting it…I want to be pregnant again. I want more Sweetness in my life. When I started this blog I wrote that the title comes from song lyrics that go “Everybody wants a little sweetness, nothing wrong, nothing wrong, nothing wrong” Because all I wanted was just a little bit of Sweetness in my life. But then just recently the song came on my Ipod and I heard the last verse more clearly than I have in a really long time…
I should end this story here, now that all is well
But you know, and I know that there’s always more to tell
I’m the singer so I choose the sweetness that I pour
I’d like to leave you wanting more
I’m the singer measuring the sweetness that I pour
We only need a little but we’re always wanting more
I should end my story now, all is well. Mr H and I are in a good place, I have the most beautiful little girl I could ever imagine (even if she is teething 3 molars right now and is miserable), we’re all healthy, got good jobs, we’re ok money wise. But I can’t, because now that I’ve gotten a little taste of just how sweet life can be, I want more. I’m back to starling longingly at pregnant bellies. I want to experience it all again, I rushed it away last time. I was so worried about making it to the next milestone that I didn’t take the time to enjoy it. I want one last time to do it right. But mostly I just want a little more sweetness…
In case anyone was wondering, a nasty case of PMS and one’s mother in law visiting for 4 days is just bad news. Apparently I know nothing about Sweetness, about parenting, and it’s pretty much amazing that I haven’t killed her in the past 16 months. I’m trying my bestest to be nice since thru are watching her for the week (no daycare for the month) but it’s getting harder by the minute
Yeah, here’s yet another new year’s post. But first I wanted to follow up on my last post and bitch for a minute. It wouldn’t be me if there wasn’t some bitching.
I decided that in honor of Sweetness’ ‘creation’ day I’m going to make a donation to Resolve each year. It seemed like a nice way to celebrate the day without getting too caught up in it and letting myself move on. It was a pretty small donation this year since I hadn’t planned for it. But I want to do something each year.
These past 2 weeks have been pretty much fantastic. We had a big snowstorm the weekend before Christmas that closed schools early. So I got a whole 2 weeks off and it was fantastic! Sweetness is such a wonderful age, although she’s definitely become quite the opinionated toddler. I am dreading going back to work on Monday. The only exception to the fantastic-ness was the 3 pregnancy announcements…all from people who had been pregnant at about the same time as me. And 2 asked when we would be having our second…because “the timing is important you know”.
But anyway, 2009. All in all a pretty darn good year. There were low points…but that’s what makes the high’s better, right?
I started to do one of those month by month things but it was hopelessly boring. All about how I went back to work in January and how much I HATE it. I really never ever thought I would be one of those people who wanted to stay home. And my, how I used to judge the SAHM. Now what I wouldn’t give to be able to do that. But it seems silly to write that out next to each month.
So instead a little recap: This was definitely an adjustment year for us, as we figured out how to add parenting into our lives without taking away from ourselves and each other. Things are finally really good with Mr H. It did take awhile for us to get back to normal. And I actually had forgotten what normal was. Life can be fun when you aren’t constantly obsessed with getting pregnant! I wasn’t that good about taking time for myself…that’s on the list for this year. I need to figure out a way to do it without feeling guilty. And I need to re-learn how to be social again. I had cut off so many friendships and now I’m really missing that. I’m going to try out some mom groups again, I hated all of them when she was an infant but I’m hoping mom’s of toddlers will be more sane.
Happy 2010 everyone…may your dreams come true