I re-connected with a crush I haven’t seen in almost 5 years on Tuesday. And in the end it disappointed
Before I get into how crazy this makes me, let me give you a little background.
I’ve been told that I have crazy high standards for my doctors. I don’t think there is anything wrong with expecting doctors to ask questions instead of speak to you, make eye contact with you, read your chart before entering the exam room, utilize the latest technologies, and be accessible. And that is just my short list, it’s actually longer. But on top of that, I need to have a certain je ne sais quoi with my doctors. Something that puts my love for them over the edge. And with everyone except my PCP (who I never see), I do. And it makes me happy. You’ve all heard me go on and on about my RE, it’s like that. I need something like that with every medical provider I have
That je ne sais quoi with my old dentist was his eyes. Good eyes are actually on my dentist checklist because you stare up at them when you’re getting your teeth cleaned. I think dentists should be screened for it as part of their dental school application. So Dr S had amazing blue eyes, the best I have ever seen. I happily made my appointment every 6 months and one day and counted the minutes until the stupid hygienest was done. His office was so far away and so terribly inconvenient but I didn’t care. I had a big time Dr crush on him. And then I went and got married….and my insurance changed. This change was fantastic because I got to go to MUCH better doctors except I lost my Dr S. And I wandered around aimlessly trying to find a new dentist for 5 years. And my teeth hated me for it, because I certainly was NOT going every 6 months anymore.
And then last month I decided to call Dr S’ office to see if just maybe he started taking my insurance. The office still doesn’t but Dr S has moved. Some quick, frantic googling revealed that his new practice was only 10 minutes away from my house. AND he took my insurance. I booked the first appointment I could.
When Tuesday rolled around I was actually nervous. Would he fit all of my other doctor criteria? Would he have aged well?
I got there, filled out the forms, and finally got called back. They had awesome new technology–the x-ray was a USB and my teeth appeared right on the monitor next to me. You could blow them up and everything. And the hygienist was good. But then came the magical moment….Dr S came in. Oh his eyes. But it gets even better. He has shaved his head! I LOVE a bald and beautiful man. I keep begging Mr H to drop his stupid Pr.opecia prescription and just shave it off but he won’t. We talk, I tell him my story about how I re-found him and I expect this wonderful moment. And then he says, “My wife and I decided to go into practice together”. His wife. I knew he wore a wedding ring but I liked to think he could just jump onto that dental chair with me. Totally can’t do that with his wife in the next room!
So I’m glad I’ve got a good dentist who cares about my teeth and doesn’t think I need 3 crowns like the past one did. And I will happily stare up at his blue eyes and shaved head while he examines my mouth…and I will try not to shoot his partner and wife daggers with my eyes when I see her in 6 months and 1 day
You might remember me screaming about how CVS tried to kill my baby here.
Today, while driving home, my cell rang with a number I didn’t recognize. What happened next is shocking for a number of reasons. First, I picked up the phone. You see, I hardly ever answer my phone. I really hate talking on the phone. If I don’t know the number, I’ll answer maybe once a year. And, I was driving. I hardly ever answer the phone while driving anymore. Not because I’m all about safety or anything. But because I have a 50 minute ride home (on a good day) and I spend a vast majority of that time singing random nursery rhymes to Sweetness. Most callers do not want a rousing rendition of 5 Green and Speckled Frogs. Plus, if I’m singing the Itsy Bitsy Spider while doing the hand motions, it’s hard to do that, and steer, AND talk on the phone.
So anyway, the phone rang with a number I didn’t recognize while I was in the car and I did a crazy thing…I answered. Turns out it was the fabulous Wanda J from the Virgina Pharmacology Board. She had some follow-up questions about the report I had filed a month ago. She couldn’t give me a ton of info, basically she wanted more things from me but I was so excited that they were actually following up on the whole thing. I really had thought that might report had ended up at the bottom of pile on some desk in a sun-less cube in a basement somewhere. It scares me to death that this pharmacist could get “really busy” again and make another terrible mistake. And while it did take them almost a month to follow-up, I’m going to just be happy that they did. I asked if they would close the loop and let me know of any resolutions that come from this but she wasn’t sure if they could legally. I don’t care, I’m just glad someone is looking into it and it hopefully won’t happen again
Well the roof/house situation isn’t as bad as we thought, but it’s not as good as we had hoped for. Guess I’ll have to settle for mediocre. We have a contractor that we trust and has done work for us in the past. He said he could do the roof for about half the price the emergency roofer told us. So that is good. What’s bad is that our homeowners will in no way cover the roof. And they gave us a super low estimate on the repairs needed to the house. Considering our deductible, they are only cutting us a check for about a third of the repairs. The damage is very spotty–as in water found its’ way in and just streamed down in one straight line. So I get that only that chunk of dry wall needs to be replaced. But I can’t paint just 8 inches of wall…that would look stupid. At least paint the entire wall and I’ll do the rest of the room. It’s all petty stuff and I have a feeling we’ll be fighting with them for quite a while. Our contractor said they also seriously lowballed the labor costs. And I don’t think he is trying to get more out of them, his estimate to us have always been right on point and fair.
Where does that leave us in terms of family building? Well, I am no longer on the floor, rocking in the fetal position with a bottle of wine. So that’s progress. It pushes things back a little. It should push things back a lot but we had a really tough conversation about our savings. While many would probably consider this irresponsible, we decided that we’ll take some money out of our retirement. That’s 30 years away. Our window for a second child is now. It was hard for me because I am ridiculously anti-debt and I hate not saving. Working part-time this year has been fantastic, but it means we haven’t been able to hit our savings goals, which makes me want to twitch. Now, because of that, we are going to have to put the balance of the home repairs that our insurance won’t cover on credit cards. And we haven’t had a balance on our credit cards since we got married. So now I feel selfish for putting my immediate time with Sweetness over our family’s financial needs.
But back to the important stuff, instead of going back to the RE in early spring like we had originally planned, it’ll probably be mid summer. Hopefully by then we will have paid off the repairs that are needed. Now I’m fighting with my inner OCD infertile. Part of me wants to whip out my CBEFM and schedule the shit out of the next 6 months. Because if we could do this for free…well, that’d be awesome because I also decided that I really, really, REALLY want to move. (today, in my neighbor’s backyard appeared a sink, a toilet, and a bumper…wtf???) The other part of me asks why the fuck should I even bother? Plus, like I’ve said before, it’s fun that s.ex can actually be fun again. So I’ll probably be swiping that credit card again in July, but at least it’s for a better cause.
Sorry to leave you all hanging there last week. It’s for the best though. It was a BUI (blogging under the influence). Combo that with the nature of that post and it was going no place good.
I’ve been meaning to post pictures of the insane snow storm we’ve had but at this point, it’s old news. Instead, I sit here listening to the pitter patter of…water…finding its’ way into my house from a thousand different spots. The place looks ridiculous…with pots and towels everywhere to catch all the leaks.
We called in an emergency roofer and filed a claim with our home owners insurance. This is the part that gets me the most upset. Our deductible is $1000. Do you know what I think of when I hear that something costs $1000? To me, that’s an HSG and one cycle’s worth of meds for an IUI. It’s a chance at a baby. Then , there is a stupid $250 fee for filing a claim. As if the money I pay them every year isn’t enough. Do you know what that is? That’s 2 bloodwork/ultrasound appointments. Again, part of the chance at a baby. Here’s the kicker, the really bad news. The roofer says we need a new roof. Yup, a whole new roof. There is too much water damage to spot fix it. If our insurance will not cover it (and right now they say they won’t), it’s at least $10,000. Ten thousand. 10K. No matter how I write it, it means the same thing. It means no sibling for Sweetness. At least not in the foreseeable future. It means I vacuum pack the maternity and baby clothes and bring them to my mom’s storage unit. We do NOT have that kind of money lying around…or anywhere for that matter. We blew through our savings the last few years, first on treatments, then my leave, then my second leave when Sweetness needed PT. And then I went back to work part time; great for my mental health, not so great for the savings account.
So while other people are joking and laughing about the baby boom we’ll see around here in 9 months, all I can think about is how this fucking storm took away my chance at another baby. At least for a (long) while. And it sucks
I wrote out a crazy long post on my phone but apparently it didn’t save right. I don’t have the energy now, having gone through 4 rounds of Sweetness puking. The turkey will have to trot tomorrow
Yup, the turkey is coming out for a little trot. Please consider yourself forewarned. Also, this is a childbirth tmi so if you aren’t in a good place, feel free to click away. Or, alternatively, if you’re like me and read things like this and say, “that bitch, that’s what you get for getting knocked up”, then by all means read on.
This is waaaaay tmi. I’ve been debating asking people in real life but just can’t. Even girlfriends that I’ve shared some really nasty stuff with. But Internet
No, not for me. I highly doubt I’ll be posting an un-assisted BFP anytime soon…or ever.
You might remember this email exchange I had a few weeks ago. Got another one today. And you guessed it, she’s 6 weeks pregnant. She wanted to let me know first (how sweet, right). And she said I was right, she just needed to remember that it was all supposed to be fun. Well that’s the path I’ve been taking the last couple of months and while it has been fun, it hasn’t been particularly fruitful, shall we say. It just sucks that over the last 6 years, she has spent 5 months trying to get pregnant…and now has 4 pregnancies to show for it. Me…we got lucky on our 30th (yes THIRTIETH) cycle. I guess you could count the chemical…and then it only took me 28. I know I shouldn’t compare but it’s so freaking hard not to sometimes.
Everything I’ve been thinking lately is summed up perfectly in the last few lines of Infertility Just Sucks post. Everything she wrote about all the firsts potentially also being the lasts. Wow…it’s something I try not to even let myself think about, but it’s always there. Why is my entire basement now filled with bouncy seats, exercausers, jumperoos, and all the other crap? Maybe I should just take my own advice, open a bottle of wine, and have some fun. I’ll let you all know how that goes…
If we’re friends on fa.cebook you’ve probably already read half this saga (and as an aside, if we aren’t, feel free to friend me…I’m really bad about sending out friend requests but I always accept them). My apologies for any redundancy but I’m still so angry about it that I figured I should blog it out.
Two weeks ago Sweetness had been running a really low temp (99.5-ish, not even a real temp), had a little bit of a runny nose and was puking about every 3 days. Nurse at the peds office said it all sounded like teething and since she was working on 3 molars, I agreed. Then one morning she woke with a higher temp and nasty cough. I take her into the ped office and the poor little girl had a horrible double ear infection. I couldn’t believe it, she never once showed any signs of ear pain. So right off the bat I felt like a crappy mom. And while there, her temp was 102.5, even with motrin, and I was told to get her antibiotics into her asap and to use damp towels or a bath to help bring that temp down.
So I head to the first pharmacy at the local grocery store and, shockingly, they are out of am.oxycillian. How does that happen??? I walk the down 5 store fronts to CVS and am told it’s a 25 minute wait. I practically have to beg one of the pharmacists for permission to sit in their completely empty flu shot seats. Sweetness falls into a deep sleep on me and I can feel her little body getting hotter and hotter. 50 minutes later they call our name, I pay, walk back out to the car and load Sweetness in without her even stirring. Get home, open the bottle, and was shocked that it was a powder. I had been expecting the pink bubble gum medicine. I start to think about how the hell I am going to get her to take this as a powder since she was so sick. Before I tried to scoop it into a sippy cup I decided to call the nurse advice line. Not only did something about it not seem right, but I really didn’t want to have to figure out how to give her the powder. When I told the nurse what I had, she got so quiet that I thought my stupid ip.hone that drops pretty much every 3rd call had once again died in me. Nope, she said she was speechless and disappointed in the pharmacy. Apparently they had not actually prepared the medication. Nothing like waiting an hour for nothing. She told me to call back, explain the situation, and get the right meds. Sweetness laid on me the entire time, getting even hotter but I didn’t think to take her temp at this point.
After fighting with the pharmacist on the phone (they didn’t want to waste a bottle of the meds and told me to bring what I had back in and they would prepare it while they waited, I of course, pitched a fit and said I needed it waiting there for me). Load Sweetness back in the car, etc, etc and get the right meds. At no point did they even apologize. They just said they were busy. Get home, give her meds, take her temp…105.7. I freak, have no idea what I am supposed to do and decide to just get in the bath. After 20 agonizing minutes with her crying the most pathetic cry I have ever heard, we get out of the tub and thankfully the fever was manageable. I called the nurse back after all this and she told me that with a fever that high, I should have taken her to the ER. Ooops…cue crappy mom background music (which would be my tears, in case you are curious)
Later that night the head of my pediatric office called to thank me for checking on the meds. He didn’t say what would have happened if I had given them to her and, at the time, I didn’t think to ask. But I’m guessing based on his call and his recommendation to report the pharmacist to the board, that it would have been bad news. When Mr H got home I just sobbed and sobbed and decided that this was WAY too much responsibility for me.
I did report the pharmacist and I haven’t heard anything back. At first I wasn’t going to…I had the whole “it’s a recession and I would have for someone to lose their job” and then I brought myself back to earth and realized “this was my baby”…or someone else’s baby.
Sorry this ended up being so long, it was just the scariest thing we’ve had to endure in quiet awhile. Of course, Sweetness is back to her adorable self. So all is well that ends well…