whew

Cleared hurdle #1!  I saw that little tiny pulsating light of a heartbeat this morning.  My OB did mention that I wasn’t out of the woods yet but, right now, I’m choosing to think of the positive.  You can’t get to the take home baby without first seeing a heartbeat, right??

I made Mr H take off work today because I was a little bit clinical this morning.  As soon as Sweetness wakes up from her nap we’re heading out to lunch to celebrate.  Thanks for all the good thoughts and keeping those crossables crossed!

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March 25, 2010. Uncategorized. 17 comments.

catch up

Sorry I left you all hanging there.  I’m trying to cocoon myself.

It’s now been 2 weeks since my holy shit, what the fuck post.  As far as I know, I’m still knocked up.  Tuesday was the last time I peed on anything (told you I wasn’t as zen as I claimed to be).  It came up so freaking positive that there was barely anything left for the control line.  And I am sick, sick as a dog, and exhausted.  Sicker than I ever was with Sweetness.  I take these as good signs.  But I also take then with a serious serving of salt, because I know it can all change.  I’ve got an appointment with my OB on Thursday.  If I’m right with my timing, I’ll be almost 7 weeks then.  Fingers, toes, arms, and legs are all crossed for a heartbeat.

Mr H and I headed out of town last weekend to celebrate our 5 year anniversary.  It’s not really until April but we found a fantastic deal on a cruise so we went ahead and booked it.  It was so nice to take some time just for ourselves.  The weather wasn’t fantastic but there was still sun, warmth, beaches, and pools.  What more does a girl need? It also let this rather unexpected news sink in and I caught myself getting excited for the first time.  Still trying not to get ahead of ourselves.  The other night the conversation actually came around to daycare and the cost of 2 and how the hell we would swing that.  Talk about counting your chickens before they hatch!

Thanks to those of you who are checking in and rooting for us.  I”m off to bed, Sweetness has had an insane language explosion…which makes her want to be up ALL night talking.  And when she is tired of talking to her kanga, panda, and baby (it is very crowded in her crib nowadays), she screams our names.  Yes, our names!  I woke up at 5 the other morning to “Meggg-innnnnnnn”.  All I could do at that point was laugh….

March 21, 2010. Tags: . Uncategorized. 9 comments.

Zen

I’m trying to be zen.  Zen is not my forte, especially when it comes to things like this.  The only reason I tested this past weekend was to invoke Murphy’s Law of IF.  I wanted my period to come then since Mr H and I are hitting the open seas on a cruise at the end of this week.   I really didn’t want to deal with my period then.  With Sweetness busy getting spoiled rotten by her grandparents, our plan was to rest, eat, and drink.  Of course, for a reason like this I’m more than happy to skip the drinking.  My head just keeps going back to November 07.  When I was equally happy and scared about a surprise positive on a pregnancy test.  5 days later the test was blindingly white and the beta dropped from 46 down to 2. 
 
Speaking of beta, in my effort to be zen, I decided not to get one.  Partially because I have a really hard time believing it is real and I actually keep forgetting about it so I haven’t called.  But also because I’ve been around long enough to see really low betas turn into chubby little babies and to see high betas end in miscarriages.  The number alone doesn’t really mean anything.
 
Mr H said he just isn’t going to think about it for another 4 weeks or so when it’ll be more real.  I so wish I could compartmentalize like that.  I try, really I do.  And I haven’t done some of the things I used to do.  Haven’t checked what the due date would be (rough math tells me sometime in November), haven’t called my OB, etc.  Again,  mostly because I’m in denial and calling an OB to schedule a pre-natal appointment would be putting this out into the universe.  For now I want to fly under the radar.  That way no one can take it away from me.  But I still was driving home the other day and I teared up thinking about how much I would really love to give Mr H a baby sometime in November.  When it’s all out of my control.  There is nothing I can do to ensure that happens.  So I’m just going to let go….well…try to let go….

March 9, 2010. Tags: . Uncategorized. 10 comments.

Ummmm…holy shit

Dollar tree test this morning had a light line. Holy shit. Not allowing myself to think too far ahead. I got pregnant without doctors and meds and it lasted 4 days. Wondering if I can call and beg my RE for a beta.

Thanks for the support yesterday. I’m in shock. Things like this don’t happen to me. But after the craptastic February we had, it sure would be nice

March 7, 2010. Uncategorized. 12 comments.

Expiration

I’ve never been one to pay attention to expiration dates on things. I go by smell. Well my sniffer has been working overtime the last few days and I’ve been feeling like crap. The kinda crap I have felt before.

So I did what any sane IFer would do. Peed on a stick. A FRER that expired in Sept 08. And it was positive.

What the fuck do I do now? Besides run to the store for more things to pee on. This is a self induced mind fuck

March 6, 2010. Uncategorized. 7 comments.

Cuteness overload

Yesterday I babysat my 6 week old  nephew while my SIL had her check-up.  Sweetness of course came along for the ride.  I had a few ‘oh crap, how does anyone have a newborn and a toddler and not die’ moments.  But at one point I was standing, rocking and swaying, the baby while singing Old McDonald with Sweetness.  It’s her newest fave now that she can do the “e-i-e-i-eeeee” and the animal sounds.  All of a sudden she started doing this really weird thing with her legs.  I realize she was trying to do the rock and sway with me.  Except she  had a high knee leg kick in there just to prove that she is in better shape than me.  Then, just when I think that is the cutest thing I have ever seen, she runs over to her toy bag, picks up her panda, brings it back and starts “shhhh”-ing it, while rocking and swaying.  My eyes filled with tears and I think my uterus might have exploded from the cuteness of it all..

March 4, 2010. Uncategorized. 4 comments.