Pity party

I’ve tried to blog every day this past week but each time I log on, someone wakes up.  It’s like they are conspiring against me. 

Amelia had her 4 month check up this week.  I can not believe how big she’s getting.  She weighed in at a full 3 lbs more than her sister at this age.  I mentioned some concerns I had about her neck and the doctor agreed with me.  I didn’t blog much about it with Sophie but she had pretty severe t.orticolis and was in physical therapy for over a year as a baby.   I was really hoping the ped would tell me I was just being crazy and paranoid but nope, it’s off to the physical therapist for us. 

Tort is one of those things that there are multiple potential causes of and is hard to determine the real one.  Plus, it doesn’t really matter that much.  But for me, having a second child diagnosed makes the doctor suspect uterine positioning as the cause for both the girls. 

Now most of my infertility baggage is nicely stowed away.  True, the whole experience changed me but it doesn’t haunt me or color my daily life anymore.  And then this slammed me into a brick wall.  I know they are technically un-related but I can’t help but feel like a big old failure all over again.  And this time, it effects my poor little girl.  Physical therapy is HARD.  Poor Sophie worked her little butt off.  And while we have a great PT and Sophie actually liked going there, it was still hard work.  She had to go twice a week and when she should have been playing and having fun with me, I was constantly doing exercises and stretches with her.  I hate that I am going to have to put Amelia through that.  All because of my continually effed up body.  It’s just not fair (what is really?)

I’ve been trying really hard to focus on the positives.  That I know this can be resolved and don’t need to be scared about surgeries or all the other horror stories out there on the internet.  That the fact that I’ve been stretching her since birth has helped considerably.  I can look at Sophie and know that Amelia will turn out just fine.  But after days of trying to be positive I am allowing myself this afternoon (this nap only actually) to wallow a bit and be sad that I’m going to have to watch my baby struggle with this. Because it sucks to go to therapy after therapy appointments.  And sucks to hear that your baby is in the less than 5th percentile in gross motor assessments.  And most importantly, because it REALLY sucks to make your baby cry day after day, even if you know it is for their own good. (how parental does that sound?) 

Anyone else out there having a pity party today?  You know what they say, misery loves company.  Let’s get it out and get over it

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March 9, 2011. Uncategorized.

3 Comments

  1. Michell replied:

    Thinking of you all. I hope it gets better soon. Hugs to you.

  2. HereWeGoAJen replied:

    That really sucks. Even if it is a temporary issue, it sucks to put her through that. But I know you are doing the right thing.

  3. Rebecca @ Unexplained X2 replied:

    Erg…annoying. I still blame myself for anything that Hailey is behind with b/c I couldn’t BF both of them…ridic!

    Hang in there…you’re doing great and I’m sure that stretching has helped a ton. In the meantime, wallow away!

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