Slap some sense into me

I need you all to give me permission to do something.  And it’s pretty ridiculous since 1) I’m an adult and don’t really need anyone to give me permission to do things and 2) important people like our pediatrician and my husband have already given me permission to do this.  But for some reason they don’t count in my head.  You see, I can’t stop pumping. 

It doesn’t make any sense.  I HATE pumping, with a passion.  With S, I stopped pumping when she was about 8 months old.  Some women saying that pumping while they’re at work makes them feel close to their baby but it made me feel absolutely horrible.  Like seriously depressed horrible.  And I swore that I could never be one of those exclusively pumping moms.  My kid would turn out just fine with formula.

And then A turned out to be a marathon diva nurser.  As in the room had to be dark just so, with some white noise, in the glider and then when the stars were aligned just right, she’d nurse for 45 minutes or so.  As you can probably guess, this really started to interfere with the rest of our life.  There is nothing in the world that can occupy a 2 and a half year old for that much time during the day and we couldn’t ever go anywhere.  So she started getting bottles during the day.  And since she was so little, I pumped.  And then, amazingly, pumping became me time.  How crazy is that?  I kept my kindle in there and it was the only time I ever got to read.  Hubby told me I could stop anytime I wanted and since I’m not some ‘bre.ast is best’ crazy I thought I would.  My pediatrician said I could stop if I wanted.  But still I kept on going. 

Now all I’ve weaned them all except morning and night, 10 minutes each.  The girls are pretty much dry.  I don’t even get enough for a full bottle.  And I’ve been saying I’m going to drop the night one so I can start working out but I just can’t bring myself to do it.  And I’ve tried to psychoanalyze myself and figure out why but this time around I can’t.  She’s already drinking both formula and cow’s milk so it’s not that.  And it’s not like I have to be worried that it is the milk that is ‘bonding’ us because she is the biggest momma’s girl you could ever imagine.  I just need one of you to shake me and tell me to stop feeding the robot.  Please

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November 3, 2011. Uncategorized.

4 Comments

  1. BigP's Heather replied:

    You have my permission to stop. Use that “me” time in other ways doing something for yourself!!

  2. HereWeGoAJen replied:

    Hanging on to babyhood, maybe? That is why I had a couple of false starts when I tried to stop nursing.

  3. Jess replied:

    Sounds like the “me” time is what it’s really about….I hereby grant you permission to stop pumping, and spend those minutes sitting quietly and reading, without being hooked up to a machine 🙂

  4. Rebecca @ Unexplained X2 replied:

    Ha, the “me time” does sound pretty awesome except for that hideous device yanking your nipples into unnatural positions! I can tell you that the day I sold my pump was my happiest day EVER and that you can use the money on yourself and no one else…how’s that for permission?

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