While S doesn’t do too much baby talk anymore she still sometimes gets words wrong or mispronounces things. This morning I was thinking that I need to write them all down someplace so I don’t forget. And now that it is a mere 6 hours later, I have forgotten all but one. How lame is that? Luckily the one I remember is my ultimate favorite. So much so that I haven’t corrected her once.
A neighbor got an indoor trampoline for Christmas and S loves it. Except she calls it a jump-aline. And I love it. She’ll say please can we go over to A’s house to jump on the jump-aline. I’m shocked how many times she can say the word ‘jump’ and ‘jump-aline’ in one sentence.
I wish I remembered more. She’s at this amazing age for language, making up the silliest songs all the time. I really need a mom-cam perched on my shoulder all the time to capture it all.
I was going through old pictures the other day and was shocked at how much she has grown and how much I don’t remember. And I really don’t want to forget a minute of her childhood. As much as she drives me crazy sometimes, she’s growing into the most amazing person. I took her to her first movie on Christmas eve and got a glimpse of all the fun activities we’re going to be able to do soon. She was awesome, dancing in the aisles, although my favorite part was that she didn’t really weigh enough to stop the seat from folding up on her so she snuggled in on my lap. Rarely do I get that much uninterrupted snuggle time. Talk about the best Christmas present ever.
Check out this amazing girl…
Today is the day that I hug S a little tighter and give her a few extra kisses. Four years ago today I had the IUI that brought me my little girl. I’ve posted about the day several times before so I won’t bore you with the stories again (but dear god the woman with her kids still drives me crazy). On one hand, it surprises me that I still remember the day. It was four years ago after all. And it was just a day. And then on the other hand, I can’t imagine not remembering. I know that most people do not remember the exact day and time their child was conceived. I don’t for A. It’s weird.
Every year I ruminate on this a little bit but this year has been worse for some reason. There have been a couple of things the last few months that have picked at the old IF scab. They aren’t my stories to tell so I haven’t blogged it. I can sum it up by saying I’m really having a hard time with people taking their pregnancies for granted. So today I’m again thinking of the me that sat in that waiting room and went through all that crap. And am just so beyond thankful that I was able to go through all that crap and get that little girl. Who, while the most frustrating human being I’ve ever met, is also one of the most amazing.
Thanks for all your kind words and advice on my last post. You all had some great ideas that I am definitely going to do.
I was in a bit of a funk all weekend. Not only was there a sadness in the air but I was so shocked by the insensitivity of some people. Just thinking about the things that have been said makes me angry so I’m not going to type them out. There’s no reason to spread more anger and hurt throughout the internet.
Instead, I’m going to be completely self centered and show you all my christmas decorations. Attention seeking?? Perhaps, but I don’t care. I just love the house at christmas time.
For some reason the ornaments on the kitchen windows make me SO happy
More ornaments on the window. It’s how I make washing dishes enjoyable.
Being able to use all four of my stocking holders makes me happier than anything else. The swag has since been blinged up with some little tiny ornament balls. I had to keep thinking of ways to use all the glass balls since they can’t be in reach of little paws.
It was so fun to wrap all of the pictures while S was napping and see her face when she woke up. Although she did want to unwrap them all. Please ignore the nasty pee yellow wood paneling and the huggies box in the corner. I really need to get better about cleaning before I take pictures.
Anything to make a baby gate less ugly, right? And this time, please ignore the nasty wall paper that I swore we were going to pull down right when we moved in and it has now been over a year and the mess that is the playroom.
I won’t bore you with anymore. I’ve since ordered dreidel garland for the tree so we can fully rock the interfaith house and offend everyone equally. The rest of the Hanukkah stuff I’ll be pulling out of the basement tonight.
What’s your favorite decoration in your house?
Babies shouldn’t be born sick and they shouldn’t die. It’s just not right.
When we first moved here last August, I was pregnant with A and our neighbor about 3 houses down was also pregnant. People told me she was on bedrest but due right about the same time as me. I wasn’t an in your face pregnant person and I didn’t really talk much about the pregnancy and since she was on bedrest I didn’t really get a chance to talk to her. I later find our through the rumor mill that the baby has a condition incompatible with life. And my heart broke, because here I was planning for our addition to our family and she was planning for her baby to die. It didn’t compute.
The baby was born a few weeks after A and an email went out that they were going to be in hospice for the next 2 weeks and we all signed up to bring food and help take care of the other kids. To be perfectly honest, I then forgot about them and didn’t really follow up. In May, at the Memorial Day block party, the whole neighbor hood sang happy birthday to her. I was so happy that A was home napping. I couldn’t have bared to see my happy thriving 6 month old next to their baby.
As the summer went on we saw them more and more. I don’t know the exact condition the baby had but she never gained any weight and still looked like a preemie. And the mom definitely distanced herself from us. How could she not? I know when trying to get pregnant I would always compare myself to those who were pregnant at the time we started trying. I tracked their pregnancies, their children. I tracked the people who lapped us. It was impossible for me not to.
The baby died today, just after her first birthday. My heart is breaking. I saw the ambulances down the street and saw other neighbors running down the street and then leaving with the other 2 kids. All I could do is pick up the girls and kiss them. Because as much as this parenting thing is hard and they can drive me crazy, I do not know what I would do if they weren’t here. And every time I say they’re growing up too fast and I want them to stay a baby…no…I want them to grow and thrive and move away from me. I want to visit them in college and help decorate their first apartment.
So today I again signed up to bring them dinner. I”m making some lasagna and Bolognese sauce. How on earth does that help when their baby is dead? And I know that we are now those people. Every year when we have birthday balloons out, it will be yet another reminder of their little girl. They will see A at every neighborhood function and she’ll be doing what their baby should be doing. It kills me that we will continue to cause her pain. And my stupid lasagna does nothing to help.
It just shouldn’t happen. Period.
We were out running some errands this morning and S was so good and absolutely adorable. Seriously, we were in Bed, B.ath Beyond, and she was pretending to cook things and just being awesome. She was so awesome that against my better judgement I asked her if she wanted to go out to lunch at a restaurant. This is the equivalent of someone randomly asking me if wanted a weekend at the spa. I try to avoid eating out in public with the two of them because something inevitably goes wrong and I look like “that mom”. You know the one, whispering threats to the preschooler with the baby on my hip, hair back in a messed up pony tail, leaving a trail of trash behind me. But today, today a choir of angels sang and the both of them were perfect. S and I had an actual conversation. The baby didn’t eat much except apple slices but I can’t win all the battles. Another woman actually complimented me on how good she was. And after all that we still went to another store…and she was still good!
Now I’m not all “my kid is amazing” because the rest of the time she can be a real b*tch. And I hate people who think their kid walks on water and never recognizes that they are little people and we all have our moments. (and why is it that for some reason those people always seem to have the worst behaved kids??) But today gave me hope that she will actually grow up to be a civilized and others will enjoy her company. I did today.
During November pretty much everyone and their mother was posting about Advent calendars. I’d like to say I was inspired but mostly I was desperate for something to snap S out of her cycle of movies, TV, and general crankiness whenever not watching a movie or TV. So I made a December calendar stealing ideas from many of you. I’m not calling it an Advent calendar per se, what with the whole hubs being Jewish and some of our activities being help mommy get the menorah ready, play dreidels, make latkes, etc.
So far it’s working pretty well. She’s genuinely excited to see what’s in the bag every morning. And it wasn’t really that much work to set up and do. I”m thinking setting up some version of it long term. Probably on a weekly basis…and without the brown lunch bags draped across my kitchen. It forces me to at the very least have something planned for the day which is key in keeping S tantrum free.
So far we’ve opened Christmas books, made paper snowflakes, opened a Christmas movie, went to Christmas at a farm, and ummm…it’s the 7th so I really should be able to remember the last week 😉 Being the non-committal person that I am, I only fill in a few days of bags at a time. This way I can move things around as needed.
So please everyone, keep on posting your wonderful parenting ideas that I can continue to steal and get credit for 😉
Let’s re-cap my day for a minute.
Took S outside to collect some pine cones before school. See our neighbor and good friend out chasing the 9 month old greyhound puppy they rescued 3 days ago. My sporadic treadmilling made me no match for a greyhound puppy. Raced S to school. Hubby was working from home so I thankfully didn’t have to get the baby up from her nap.
Get home, wake up A, get the screaming baby into her car seat and take off for her drs appointment. It was supposed to be an ear check follow up from her ear infection and she’d get her 12 month shots that she missed because of the ear infection. Get about 3/4 of the way there, with baby screaming the whole time, and realize that I never got a reminder phone call. Check my calendar and oops, I never got the reminder call because the appointment isn’t until Monday. Head back home in ridiculous traffic.
Next I go to the dentist for 2.5 hours of drilling and filling cavities. You may remember my crush though. So this was actually the best part of my day. Plus, after he shot me up with No.vocaine, you have to wait 20 minutes to get good and numb. I thought of grabbing a magazine or a phone but instead I closed my eyes. Glorious.
Leave the dentist, unable to feel half my face, and head to work. Not a smart idea to schedule an observation of an intern and his supervision meeting after a dentist appointment. I couldn’t talk and looked ridiculous. You know when you’re all numb and you just keep touching your cheek. Yeah, that was me.
Come home. Of course when hubs is left alone with the girls he ends up at a neighbors for a playdate. Make dinner and he says he has to go get ready. Forgot about poker night. Get baby to bed no problem because she’s an absolute little angel. Then deal with the devil child. 75 minutes later and she’s asleep. It’s just wrong when the best parenting decision I make all evening is to walk away and pour a great BIG glass of wine instead of shaking or smacking some sense into her.
And on that note, I’m going to finish my big glass of wine, spend some quality time with my DVR, and then go to bed early. And probably lock the bedroom door so the drunk husband with ideas can’t get in and wake me up. He leaves me with demon child alone for the night…he gets the guest room.
Today I got out the bucket of cleaning supplies, put it on the bathroom shelf, and then sat down on my lazy ass to read blogs and watch my soap. Hubby likes it when I clean up but he won’t look close enough to see if I actually did clean. I know it has to be done eventually but this buys me a free afternoon. My least favorite change when I became a stay at home mom was cancelling our cleaning lady. I miss having the whole house clean at once. It hasn’t been that way since her last day. And it’s looking like it won’t be today either.
I guess the other confession hidden in this post is how addicted I am to my soap 😉 Judge away but I’ve been watching with my mom since I was 3 and I certainly can’t stop now. It’s such a guilty pleasure