Thanks for all the comments on my last post. Glad to know I’m crazy for other reasons…not that one!
And it looks as is I will get an October baby. I’ve been having contractions all week and at my doctors appointment this week I was 2 cm. Of course I know that I could stay that way until the middle of November but I’m REALLY hoping that it won’t. Dr asked me to take it easy and rest as much as possible this week and try to make it to 37 weeks but that if I were to go into labor, he wouldn’t do anything to stop it.
So my definition of “taking it easy” this weekend included mani/pedis with my sister in law, walking all over taking maternity and Sweetness’ 2 year old pictures, then hitting BBQ with our old neighbors. Not so restful. Today was better…conviced the husband to go out for breakfast, then came home and took a 4 hour nap. Now I’m just sitting here doing nothing waiting for Sweetness to wake up from her nap, then heading to my moms where she’ll make dinner. Now that is a restful day!!
Of course I didn’t get a darn thing done this weekend. I’m really counting on Monday being my last day of work and being able to get some stuff done around the house while I ‘work from home’!
Mr. H’s project of the week however was putting together the big girl bed. Any tips on that transition?? Especially for someone who LOVES her crib and shows no signs of actually wanting to transition out of it?
I am a judger, I admit it. And one thing I always judged people for was wishing their babies out of their bellies before those babies were ready. I don’t completely understand elective inductions before 40 weeks. Yeah, I get that it’s uncomfortable to have a full grown baby rolling around inside of you, but the kid will come when he or she is good and ready.
But this time around, I NEED this baby to come a little bit early. Luckily, everyone, dr included, seems to think that she will oblige. You see, my due date is November 12th. If she comes just a little bit early, around 39 weeks, she’ll be born the exact same time I miscarried our first baby in 2007. I don’t think anyone else even remembers that baby even existed, but I do. I mentioned it in passing (as if it hasn’t been on my mind constantly the last few weeks) to Mr H and he basically told me to get over it. When he saw that was NOT the answer I was looking for, he then told me that having the baby then would turn early November around for me and make it a happy time.
On one hand, I get what he is saying. But on the other, I am the only person who remembers and loves that baby. I’m not all doom and gloom thinking about her (I was so sure it was a girl, which given my track record on predicting the sex means it was probably a boy) all the time. In early July, when she would have been born, I get a little wistful about planning a 4th of July birthday party. In early November, I most definitely remember the miscarriage and think of her often. In between, I think of her occasionally, mostly just when I hear of someone taking their early pregnancy for granted or when someone else has a miscarriage. I hardly consider that being obsessed with her.
To me, it is just about remembering. And it is no different than how I remember my Grandfather. His was the other death that hit me in the core. I remember him on his birthday, on the anniversary of his death, and other times when something makes me think of him. The difference is though, that I come from a large, close, loving family and there are LOTS of people that remember him. The anniversary of his death just passed and all of us cousins were emailing around our favorite stories of him. If I had forgotten what that day was, someone would have quickly reminded me. This baby doesn’t have that…and as her momma, I need to make sure that she doesn’t get forgotten or left behind. And I think I can do that without being obsessed.
Ultimately, it is important to me that she be remembered and I like the idea of her having her own time. For the short little time she was with me, she was so loved. And I don’t necessarily want the memory of her pushed aside as birthday parties get planned each year. In a perfect world, this current baby would be born the last week in October and my angel could keep her week in November. It’s really all she has. No one else remembers and I don’t want to ever accidentally forget.
Am I crazy? Should I just get over it all?
I know, I know, I promised you all more posts and then I went all MIA again. More technical difficulties. But just yesterday my fancy new netbook came so I’m back baby!
I think I only have about 5 readers left and am f.acebook friends with probably 80% of you so these updates might be old news.
As for the house, we’re moved in and fairly settled. Selling our house turned out to be a nightmare. The sellers lenders couldn’t seal the deal 3 times in a row and we ended up closing almost 3 weeks late. But they did end up paying our costs plus damages so stress aside, we ended up getting a new flat screen TV out of it!
I promise some real posts soon. Suddenly some old IF thoughts have come swirling back lately, mostly because my due date is quickly approaching and it just happens to be right around the same time I miscarried in 07. I probably should be over it, but it’s making my head a mess and now that I am back with my wifi and can sit in bed and blog to my hearts content, I’m going to try blogging it out.
In happy news, because Sweetness came so fast and furiously, my OB wrote me onto work from home duty when I hit full term. Which, insanely enough, is in 2 weeks. So my last day of the 2.5-3 hr commute is October 22nd! I can not wait! It is just wrong that this week I needed to start leaving 10 minutes earlier so I can factor in a bathroom break and still make daycare pick up on time.
More soon…I promise this time