If you want to feel better about your day

In case you were wondering why I was so fried yesterday…

Baby woke up crying right at 6, after me getting a shitty night sleep with S.  This might not sound like a big deal but she ALWAYS wakes up happy and adorable.  If she wakes up crying it is usually because she isn’t really ready to be up and is going to be miserable until she can go back to sleep.  And that is what she was.  Miserable.

I put the two of them in front of the TV so I could shower before the painters got there.  (As an aside, Hubs thought it was crazy that I wouldn’t shower with strange men in the house. Ummm….no, I try not to get naked with random people around).  This meant putting the baby in a containment device.  To a 16 month old this is the ultimate indignity.

As we’re coming downstairs post shower, the painters get here.  First word out of his mouth is that he couldn’t find the crown moulding we wanted and he wanted me to come with him to home depot.  This was 8:05 in the morning and I had 2 kids who needed breakfast, one who had to get to school, and another that absolutely could not under any circumstances miss her morning nap.  (That makes me sound like I have 4 kids but I think you all get it).  There was no way I was loading them in the car and taking off for home depot.  He was not happy with me but whatevs.

S carpooled to school (while I generally hate minivans with their oh so superior sliding doors that park to close to me, I do love friends who drive one AND have an extra car seat in them) and I got A down for a nap.  Around 11 we are ready to take off for home depot.  I open the mudroom door to the garage and a bird squawks and flies right out of the garage.  I of course shriek like a lunatic.  Even the baby was laughing at me.  After the requisite jumping and freaking out I walk around the car to put her in the car seat.  A SECOND BIRD flies out, this time getting stuck between the top of the garage door and the ceiling.  I literally climbed on top of the baby in the car seat.  I hate birds.  It was terrifying.  And I of course think it is all Hubs fault because he is out of town.

There was nothing special about the rest of the day unless you count the meltdown to end all meltdowns because I wouldn’t let the baby drink queso at lunch (she is such a dipper it’s crazy.  Her quesadilla was coated in queso) until I remembered that I had to take out the trash because husband wasn’t home.  I waited until the painters all left (7:20!!) and bring S outside with me to do it all.  What flies right in front of me and into a tree??  BATS!  That’s right, bats.  I get that they eat bugs and are good for the ecosystem and all that shit and I’m fine with them existing; they just need to keep their wing flapping battiness away from me!  After calming down and taking out both the trash and recycling, I go to move the car back into the garage.  I will forever be the coolest mom on the planet because I let S sit in the passenger seat which she thought was the shit until I bounced slightly over the curb and she fell.  No longer coolest mom, am now the worst.  Guess that’s why they have car seats.  I’m pulling into the garage while the drama queen is whimpering “how could the car do that to me?  Did YOU do that to me mommy?” and what do I do?  Hit the fucking house!  I”ve bumped the wall with my tires before but this was actual car to house.  Again, this is all Hubs fault because he is out of town.  I’m sure he was having an amazing bird and bat free time at a conference at the Newark Airport.

I then did what any mother would do after driving her daughter without a car seat, tossing her from the seat, and hitting the house would do.  I went inside, put on Beauty and the Beast and poured myself the biggest freaking glass of wine.

Hope you all got some Schadenfreude out of this 😉

Today hasn’t been that much better.  The lesson learned here is to never schedule home improvements when your partner isn’t around.

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March 8, 2012. Uncategorized. 5 comments.

Brain dead

You’re all stuck with bullets because I’m exhausted and can’t write in paragraph form

  • In laws also thought it would be a good idea to read S some real fairy tales over the weekend.  She’s been up each night with bad dreams.
  • Did I mention that hubs is out of town?  Usually we tag team bad nights with the kids but this is all on me.
  • We’ve got painters here doing 3 rooms and adding crown moulding, replacing the baseboards, and putting in wainscoting in the dining room.  I’m super excited about the finished product but why can’t anything ever go right??
  • Previous owners apparently put new carpet and flooring on top of the old so the bottom of the baseboards is below the carpet lining.  Meaning they can’t remove it to put in the new ones we picked out.  Now I’m trying REALLY hard not to think about the nasty shit that is probably under my feet right now.
  • He did manage to saw off the baseboard at the carpet line and it’s going to look alright, it’s just a pain in the ass
  • Do you have any idea how hard it is to keep curious kids away from men doing super cool things like scraping off wallpaper?  I moved the couches to block the entryways; which means that anytime I have to go upstairs I’m hurdling them.  It’s awesome. Especially because the baby is fighting her nap right now and keeps throwing her pacis or pooping.  I swear that child can poop on command.  In the last 30 minutes I’ve gone up there 3 different times because of poop.
  • Since my goal is to be more positive in general in my life I will say that I am SO thankful that it’s a beautiful 70 degree day.  I’ve got the windows open to get rid of the nasty wallpaper chemical crap smell and as soon as the girls wake up (assuming she ever goes to sleep) we’ll be out the door and at the park.

How do you make it through the day when you’re completely exhausted?  I think I maxed out on caffiene about 2 hours ago.

March 7, 2012. Uncategorized. 2 comments.

WTF-another inlaw edition

I’ve got a friend who has a 48 hour rule when her mother visits.  I’m thinking of instituting that for the old IL’s

  • Friday night we brought in some Italian and pizza so there weren’t alot of dishes.  My MIL asked if the dishwasher was clean or dirty.  I said dirty and that the stuff in the sink should fit in.  I went upstairs to give the kids a bath and a few minutes later she’s up there to watch.  But I assume she’s delegated the dishes to someone else.  I then stay upstairs to make their bed and fold 3 loads of laundry (and to hide from them) but ask Hubby to finish up the kitchen.  Come downstairs in the morning to find the dishwasher open, dishes in it still dirty, dishes still in the sink, take out containers on the counter, bottle of wine left uncorked.  WTF?  None of them did a damn thing.  Hubs said he thought the dishes were clean and he’d do them in the morning.
  • My FIL goes on these ridiculous health kicks that aren’t really healthy but his new thing is bread.  Now I buy organic whole grain bread with no crap or fillers in it.  He insists on bringing his own bread because it is part of his diet.  He brought W.onder Bread Whole Wheat.  WTF?
  • He also brought his own apples because he needs to have a fuji each morning.  I have no words…
  • We decided to go out Saturday night and left the girls with them.  When we get home I get this judgemental speech from my MIL about how S’s underwear is too small and it is cutting off her circulation and do I want her to go to the store tomorrow and we can buy her some underwear that fits her.  I said her underwear fits fine; are you sure you put it on right?  Of course she knows how to put underwear on.  In the morning I check her and, you guessed it, one of the leg holes was around her waist.  W-T-F?!?  Glad I sat with a smile on my face for that lecture about what a horrible mother I am that I don’t even buy my kids new underwear.

I know there were some more but they’re gone now so I’m starting to decompress and no longer care.  And I spiked my afternoon coffee….

March 5, 2012. Uncategorized. 6 comments.