Today, every time I walk past, step over (or on), or otherwise notice a piece of plastic crap, I am going to pick it up and throw it away. You know the stuff I’m talking about. Most of it is smaller than a quarter and worth even less. It’s the plastic spiders from Chuck E Hell, the magic ring from a carnival 6 months ago, bouncy balls from goody bags, and trash from the dollar store. Somehow it all becomes “my special thing” and can’t be parted with.
I’ve said this before but today I’m serious. I’ve got on a big hoodie sweatshirt with a pouch and will be loading it up. Anything I see during the morning I’ll scoop up but naptime is when I’ll attack the playroom. I’m sorry landfill but I can’t even pretend to clean or organize the playroom with all this crap.
I’ll give a status report tomorrow
S is super into science all of a sudden and when I told her it was going to be really cold the next few days she asked if she could make water freeze outside. Figuring that was an easy way to win Cool Mom status for the day I said yes and we happily stuck a small plastic cup of water on the back deck.
Fast forward 25 minutes and my little scientist asks if she can use another cup with food coloring. Sure, what the heck. Then it turns into multiple cups with food coloring and “mommy, don’t you think a real scientist would want to see if the red and blue makes purple water turns into ice faster than the yellow and blue make green water”? I know I should be encouraging her interests and enriching her and all that crap and I’m sure that all over Pin.terest, moms better than me are doing all this and more. But ya know what…the thermometer on the deck read 19 degrees while this was going on. And that’s farking cold.
So I wrote this a few hours ago and didn’t get to publish it. This turned into a really fun thing and now I feel badly about complaining. They both loved sticking their fingers through the thin layers of ice and then watching it get thicker. And that the food coloring separated. Yeah, it was cold but they were fired up enough to make it exciting. Lesson learned…
I am giving myself ‘permission’ to start up my blogging again with something that makes me happy. The therapy can start later.
A while ago all of our non stick pans started to get all nasty and I was reading more and more about how those chemicals are not good for you. But when I had done stainless steel in the past, they were a major pain in the ass to clean up. Which led me to cast iron. My mom always used her cast iron pans and I honestly don’t know why I hadn’t thought of it sooner. I got one skillet pan and I am a complete convert. Super easy to clean, goes from the stove top to the oven, and helps beef up my iron since I don’t eat that much red meat anymore. When I say I’m a convert I mean I am OBSESSED. For Christmas I wanted a cast iron dutch oven. I make a ton of soups in the winter and wanted to retire my non stick. I was obviously a very good girl because I had one heavy ass box under the tree and it was my dutch oven. Have I made any soup yet you ask? Nope, but I am now even more obsessed than I was before and it is all because of this bread:
I have no idea how I stumbled across this woman’s blog but between her bread, her cultured butter recipe, and her famous mac n cheese, I just want her to adopt me. Or I just want to make bread and butter all day long and get fat and be happy. Seriously, this bread makes me so happy and is so ridiculously easy I’m almost embarrassed. Since New Years I’ve made 5 different loaves for various occasions. It makes my house smell good and makes me feel all domestic goddess like. I made one today just so the house would smell like fresh bread on this rainy yucky day. I’m planning on walking it over to a neighbor later. I have a real problem.
Thanks everyone for sticking around and welcoming me back! You have no idea (or maybe you do and that’s why you’re all so awesome) how nice it is to have a space where, no matter how long you’ve been away, it’s still your comfy little place where you can be exactly yourself.
Some people have friends like that. It doesn’t matter when you’ve last talked or last saw each other, you can always pick up right where you left off. I’ve got one real person like that. And I’d love to say that I don’t take her and that friendship for granted but I do sometimes. She does on her end too, but it doesn’t matter. And I do here too. And thank you for not letting it matter.
I’ve got a lot of stuff I want to get out over the next few months and it’s one of those times I’m going to be using you all. I don’t have the time or money for therapy right now so this is it. I won’t be all doom and gloom, I promise. I’ve also got a lot of frivolous, fun stuff I want to talk about too. I am nothing if not frivolous sometimes
It was interesting to see that ‘permission’ rang a bell for all of you too. Thinking about it and looking back over old posts it is something I’ve always struggled with. I always qualify my feelings somehow. I’m going to work on it here first and then hopefully take it out into real life. Thanks for sticking around for this ride.
This week I got both a new planner and a new computer. That, coupled with some new goals for myself, gives me time AND permission to blog!
That is going to be my word for the new year….permission. The late summer and fall were rough for me. And it was all compounded by me not giving myself permission to feel what I was feeling. I’ve done it my whole life. I’ve written these exact words here before too. So I know I’m a little late for the new years posts but you’ll all have bear with me. My goal is to blog out a lot of the things that were bothering me in the fall and sort of figure out what this space is now. I certainly don’t feel like a ”mommy blogger”. I’m hoping to write at least twice a week. And to comment again. Between the planner and computer, I’ve got the tools to do this
Why is it that…
- I only run into my neighbors hot doctor son when it’s been one of ‘those’ nights/mornings. Seriously, S has been sick for days, A got it yesterday and was up at 4:45 this morning. I was outside in yoga pants and a sweatshirt, dirty greasy hair in a messy ponytail and probably still had frosting on my face from the cupcake I ate for breakfast. Now he’ll never knock on my door and sweep me off my feet.
- The doorbell only rings when the toddler has underwear on her head? I so wonder what the neighbors think of us.
- Your kid pukes all over the car when there is no place to pull over and clean up. This is of course on the way home from the doctors office where they pronounce her perfectly healthy. God damn liars.
If you had asked me years ago if finances would ever stand in the way of my child’s health I would have said hells to the no. And I probably still would say that. But just today, I chose not to fill a prescription because it was expensive and no medical professional could tell me if it would actually help her.
Any time S gets a cold, it settles in as a nasty cough. So nasty that she usually spends about 15 minutes each morning puking up mucus. I feel terrible for her but have gotten to the point where I don’t even take her to the drs for it because they tell me its just a cold and it needs to run its course. They say (and I agree) that it will get better once she learns how to blow her nose better. That moment can not happen soon enough.
But this weekend her cold came with a fever, which is unlike her. And she didn’t want to eat. And didn’t sleep well. The best advice our pediatrician ever gave me is when you’re kid isn’t eating or sleeping normally, somethings up so bring them in. It’s a good rule of them when you’re having those “should I go to the dr” thoughts. So off to the dr we went.
Long story short, she’s got a nasty cold. Ears, throat, and lungs are all clean. They actually did 3 pulse ox on her because the first one came up funky but she’s fine. I then asked (like I always do), if there was anything I could give her to help her sleep at night. Because if she gets a good night sleep, she can handle the cold during the day. When she’s up every 30-45 minutes coughing, she’s a wreck. And I got the same party line about cough suppressant not being effective in preschoolers. I should prop her up and use a humidifier. OMG….I never thought of that.
Then she said she could give me an rx for an a.lbuterol inhaler. I must have made a face (well I know I did) because she asked if I had any concerns about it. I said it’s an asthma medicine and did they think she had that. She said no, that it probably wouldn’t help too much but it could theoretically help open her bronchial passages.
I get home and check the price of this with our new insurance. Hmmm…drop a significant amount of money on a medicine that may or may not work? Now if we were talking something serious, it’d be a no brainer. But it is a cough. And this isn’t even her worse cough. She’s only thrown up mucus once. It’s just not worth it.
And here is where I start to feel like a terrible mom. Am I really putting a price on my daughter’s health? Apparently yes. And then I think all the other people forced to put a price on their kid’s health. Because we’re relatively well off. We’ve got insurance, hubby has a good job, if needed I could work more. Yet we still make these decisions. I know we can’t be the only ones.
So poor S will probably be up coughing tonight. Hopefully the benedryl knocks her out enough so she can get a decent chunk of sleep. And I know it’s a cold that will be over a in a few days, they don’t last forever. And I’m incredibly thankful that we don’t have to make these decisions about major health issues.
In case you were wondering why I was so fried yesterday…
Baby woke up crying right at 6, after me getting a shitty night sleep with S. This might not sound like a big deal but she ALWAYS wakes up happy and adorable. If she wakes up crying it is usually because she isn’t really ready to be up and is going to be miserable until she can go back to sleep. And that is what she was. Miserable.
I put the two of them in front of the TV so I could shower before the painters got there. (As an aside, Hubs thought it was crazy that I wouldn’t shower with strange men in the house. Ummm….no, I try not to get naked with random people around). This meant putting the baby in a containment device. To a 16 month old this is the ultimate indignity.
As we’re coming downstairs post shower, the painters get here. First word out of his mouth is that he couldn’t find the crown moulding we wanted and he wanted me to come with him to home depot. This was 8:05 in the morning and I had 2 kids who needed breakfast, one who had to get to school, and another that absolutely could not under any circumstances miss her morning nap. (That makes me sound like I have 4 kids but I think you all get it). There was no way I was loading them in the car and taking off for home depot. He was not happy with me but whatevs.
S carpooled to school (while I generally hate minivans with their oh so superior sliding doors that park to close to me, I do love friends who drive one AND have an extra car seat in them) and I got A down for a nap. Around 11 we are ready to take off for home depot. I open the mudroom door to the garage and a bird squawks and flies right out of the garage. I of course shriek like a lunatic. Even the baby was laughing at me. After the requisite jumping and freaking out I walk around the car to put her in the car seat. A SECOND BIRD flies out, this time getting stuck between the top of the garage door and the ceiling. I literally climbed on top of the baby in the car seat. I hate birds. It was terrifying. And I of course think it is all Hubs fault because he is out of town.
There was nothing special about the rest of the day unless you count the meltdown to end all meltdowns because I wouldn’t let the baby drink queso at lunch (she is such a dipper it’s crazy. Her quesadilla was coated in queso) until I remembered that I had to take out the trash because husband wasn’t home. I waited until the painters all left (7:20!!) and bring S outside with me to do it all. What flies right in front of me and into a tree?? BATS! That’s right, bats. I get that they eat bugs and are good for the ecosystem and all that shit and I’m fine with them existing; they just need to keep their wing flapping battiness away from me! After calming down and taking out both the trash and recycling, I go to move the car back into the garage. I will forever be the coolest mom on the planet because I let S sit in the passenger seat which she thought was the shit until I bounced slightly over the curb and she fell. No longer coolest mom, am now the worst. Guess that’s why they have car seats. I’m pulling into the garage while the drama queen is whimpering “how could the car do that to me? Did YOU do that to me mommy?” and what do I do? Hit the fucking house! I”ve bumped the wall with my tires before but this was actual car to house. Again, this is all Hubs fault because he is out of town. I’m sure he was having an amazing bird and bat free time at a conference at the Newark Airport.
I then did what any mother would do after driving her daughter without a car seat, tossing her from the seat, and hitting the house would do. I went inside, put on Beauty and the Beast and poured myself the biggest freaking glass of wine.
Hope you all got some Schadenfreude out of this
Today hasn’t been that much better. The lesson learned here is to never schedule home improvements when your partner isn’t around.
You’re all stuck with bullets because I’m exhausted and can’t write in paragraph form
- In laws also thought it would be a good idea to read S some real fairy tales over the weekend. She’s been up each night with bad dreams.
- Did I mention that hubs is out of town? Usually we tag team bad nights with the kids but this is all on me.
- We’ve got painters here doing 3 rooms and adding crown moulding, replacing the baseboards, and putting in wainscoting in the dining room. I’m super excited about the finished product but why can’t anything ever go right??
- Previous owners apparently put new carpet and flooring on top of the old so the bottom of the baseboards is below the carpet lining. Meaning they can’t remove it to put in the new ones we picked out. Now I’m trying REALLY hard not to think about the nasty shit that is probably under my feet right now.
- He did manage to saw off the baseboard at the carpet line and it’s going to look alright, it’s just a pain in the ass
- Do you have any idea how hard it is to keep curious kids away from men doing super cool things like scraping off wallpaper? I moved the couches to block the entryways; which means that anytime I have to go upstairs I’m hurdling them. It’s awesome. Especially because the baby is fighting her nap right now and keeps throwing her pacis or pooping. I swear that child can poop on command. In the last 30 minutes I’ve gone up there 3 different times because of poop.
- Since my goal is to be more positive in general in my life I will say that I am SO thankful that it’s a beautiful 70 degree day. I’ve got the windows open to get rid of the nasty wallpaper chemical crap smell and as soon as the girls wake up (assuming she ever goes to sleep) we’ll be out the door and at the park.
How do you make it through the day when you’re completely exhausted? I think I maxed out on caffiene about 2 hours ago.
I’ve got a friend who has a 48 hour rule when her mother visits. I’m thinking of instituting that for the old IL’s
- Friday night we brought in some Italian and pizza so there weren’t alot of dishes. My MIL asked if the dishwasher was clean or dirty. I said dirty and that the stuff in the sink should fit in. I went upstairs to give the kids a bath and a few minutes later she’s up there to watch. But I assume she’s delegated the dishes to someone else. I then stay upstairs to make their bed and fold 3 loads of laundry (and to hide from them) but ask Hubby to finish up the kitchen. Come downstairs in the morning to find the dishwasher open, dishes in it still dirty, dishes still in the sink, take out containers on the counter, bottle of wine left uncorked. WTF? None of them did a damn thing. Hubs said he thought the dishes were clean and he’d do them in the morning.
- My FIL goes on these ridiculous health kicks that aren’t really healthy but his new thing is bread. Now I buy organic whole grain bread with no crap or fillers in it. He insists on bringing his own bread because it is part of his diet. He brought W.onder Bread Whole Wheat. WTF?
- He also brought his own apples because he needs to have a fuji each morning. I have no words…
- We decided to go out Saturday night and left the girls with them. When we get home I get this judgemental speech from my MIL about how S’s underwear is too small and it is cutting off her circulation and do I want her to go to the store tomorrow and we can buy her some underwear that fits her. I said her underwear fits fine; are you sure you put it on right? Of course she knows how to put underwear on. In the morning I check her and, you guessed it, one of the leg holes was around her waist. W-T-F?!? Glad I sat with a smile on my face for that lecture about what a horrible mother I am that I don’t even buy my kids new underwear.
I know there were some more but they’re gone now so I’m starting to decompress and no longer care. And I spiked my afternoon coffee….